


the moment (i hesitate)

by okamiwind



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Bondage, Breeding, Deepthroating, Degradation, Dirty Talk, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Impact Play, Light BDSM, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, Military Kink, Power Play, Quarantine, Roleplay, Sexual exploration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:02:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27088309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okamiwind/pseuds/okamiwind
Summary: junmyeon's got the experience that sehun wants for himself.it only takes a pandemic to get them together.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 38
Kudos: 191
Collections: Round 2: SeHo in a Song





	the moment (i hesitate)

**Author's Note:**

> —Prompt #58

Sehun has been trying to keep his head on straight, but being with no one but Junmyeon for the past four months has driven him halfway to crazy. 

“You were already crazy,” Junmyeon says, stripping off his mask as they walk inside. “You’ve _been_ crazy.” 

“I’m not crazy, _you’re_ crazy.” 

Junmyeon walks to the table, flinging the grocery bags up and onto it as he huffs with effort. He walks over to the couch as Sehun deposits his own bags next to Junmyeon’s, watching with vague amusement as Junmyeon flops down, hand covering his face. 

“You gotta help me put these away, you know,” Sehun says. 

“I know, I know,” Junmyeon whines. “Just let me die first.” 

“Die some other time, we’ve got ice cream melting,” Sehun says, and he smiles as Junmyeon kicks his feet quickly before standing up, a fake smile plastered on his face. “Thank you.” 

“No problem,” Junmyeon says angrily. 

“Don’t let quarantine get you down,” Sehun says, and they begin to unpack their things together. 

“I am so far down, I can see the center of the Earth,” Junmyeon groans, and he slides the fruits and vegetables into the crisper. 

They’ve lived together since college, each content with their current situation. They’ve both been working from home, which is a blessing that they’re each extremely thankful for, and while it can get boring day in and day out, Sehun has been having a lot of fun spending so much time with Junmyeon. He’d probably never say it aloud (Junmyeon can get a big head about those sorts of things), but Junmyeon is his best friend and whatever they have going on right now is really working for him. 

He’s a little stir crazy, he’s a little eager to move back into familiarity, but… but Junmyeon means a lot to him. 

“I can’t believe it’s been so long already,” Junmyeon says, and he turns, carrying various items to the cabinet as he looks at their whiteboard calendar, frozen in mid-March. “It’s summer. And we’re stuck in the house unless we’re gonna go get food.” 

“There’s plenty to do,” Sehun says. 

“We’ve watched every television show that there is,” Junmyeon says. “We’ve listened to podcasts. We’ve painted. We’ve cooked. We’ve crossed animals.” 

Sehun smiles at the memories. “I mean, are you suggesting we do something else?” 

“We should drink,” Junmyeon says. Sehun turns to him, watching him as his hands still in the cabinet. His eyes light up like he just thought of the idea. “We should _drink!_ ” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says excitedly. “We haven’t really done any drinking since quarantine, and like, what a fucking misstep on our part.” 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Sehun says. “I mean, it is Saturday. It’s not like we’re doing anything tomorrow.” 

“Or for the foreseeable future!” 

Sehun smiles. “I guess you’re right.” 

“So we’ll make snacks?” Junmyeon asks. “Snacks and alcohol and maybe a bad movie?” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Sehun says. 

“Oh man,” Junmyeon says, excitedly packing away the rest of the ramen. “I have _missed_ making plans.”  
  


**·**

  
  
Sehun hadn’t anticipated the night that was ahead of him when he agreed to drink with Junmyeon. Even saying he’s three sheets to the wind is a favorable assessment—he’s probably more like six or seven sheets to the wind at this point.

“You know where that phrase comes from?” Junmyeon says, eyelids heavy and slow as he looks at Sehun, mouth still wet with liquor. 

“I have no idea,” Sehun says. “Tell me.” 

“How should I know?” 

“I kinda thought you knew,” Sehun says, “based on the way you said that.” 

“Why would I know an archaic phrase’s origin?” Junmyeon asks. 

“Because you’re a freak,” Sehun says, “and freaks know things like that.”

“This is how I know you’re plastered,” Junmyeon smiles. “You’re not funny at all.” 

“I wish I could say the same,” Sehun says wistfully. “You’re _never_ funny.” 

Junmyeon scrunches up his face in playful anger, and he leans over to swat at Sehun, punching him in the arm a little harder than he probably meant to. 

There are bottles strewn across the coffee table, too many empties to count, and Sehun lounges along the couch, Junmyeon holding his feet. It is intensely comfortable, and it feels a lot like floating in the ocean, sun hot against his face. 

“I need to get laid,” Junmyeon whispers, and he flops against the back of the couch, head lolling back. 

Sehun’s eyes have a mind of their own, gliding down the shape of his throat, the gentle movement of his Adam’s Apple as he swallows thickly. 

“Why?” 

“Why?” Junmyeon snorts. “Because I’m lonely.” He pats Sehun’s ankles. “Even this small amount of physical intimacy is reminding me that I am incredibly lonely and that I want to get fucked.” 

Sehun’s stomach turns as the words run through him. “It’s hard right now.” 

“Yeah, you’re telling me,” Junmyeon says. 

Sehun wrinkles his nose.

“Honestly, though, I never really got the appeal of, like, one night stands anyway,” Sehun says, the words slipping out before he can stop them. 

“Oh, come on. Don’t be a prude. Wouldn’t it be nice? Spending the night with someone after so long?” Junmyeon sighs, and Sehun closes his eyes and imagines. 

Someone to hold in his arms. Someone to talk to as the hours get thin. 

“You make it sound so nice,” Sehun says softly. 

“Because it is nice. Sex is nice.” 

“I wouldn’t know,” Sehun smiles to himself, the stars dancing in the dark. “I’ve never done it before.” 

“What?” 

Sehun sits up sharply, staring at Junmyeon. _What did I just say?_

“What what?” 

“What are you talking about?” Junmyeon says, wrinkling his brow. “What did you just say?” 

“Nothing,” Sehun says quickly. 

“No, that definitely wasn’t _nothing_.” Sehun looks at him, immediately regretting his decision. Junmyeon stares back at him with red cheeks and mirth. “Oh my god, you weren’t kidding. You’re actually… you’ve never had sex before?” 

“I would like to change the topic.” 

“Why?” 

“Because this is too much,” Sehun says. “This is… I’m very drunk.” 

“That’s no explanation,” Junmyeon says. “Are you serious?” 

“I’m not.” 

“You are,” Junmyeon says. “You wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t true.” 

“I lie all the time,” Sehun says, throat going dry, and he points at Junmyeon’s shirt. “Remember I said I liked your shirt? It’s ugly.” 

“See, now I know you weren’t lying,” Junmyeon smiles. “I have a great fashion sense, and you, miraculously, are a _virgin_.” 

“Isn’t the concept of virginity outdated anyway?” Sehun fumbles. “It’s really misogynistic too.” 

“You’re a man.” 

“So? I’m a feminist.” 

“I just wanna know,” Junmyeon says, and he puts his hands over Sehun’s feet, a tender, strange moment. “Have you really not had sex before?” 

“No,” Sehun confesses, and for some silly reason, his stomach twists up inside him, heart thumping along his neck.

Junmyeon looks at him in amazement, and Sehun wishes he could look away. 

“ _Why?_ ”

“What do you mean, _why_?” Sehun asks. “I just haven’t.” 

“Yeah, but you…” Junmyeon says, gesturing to Sehun broadly. “You look like that.” 

“Like that’s all there is to it,” Sehun says, “how you look.” 

“In my experience, _yeah_.” 

Sehun looks away, the shame building in him like a wave. He doesn’t know why he told Junmyeon something so… so _intimate_ and personal. They’ve had a perfectly good relationship, developed a healthy, supportive friendship, and now, Junmyeon knows something about him that throws the careful balance out of whack. Now, Junmyeon so very obviously has the upper hand. 

“Sehun.” 

Sehun looks up from his intense reflection, and Junmyeon is staring at him intently. 

“What?” Sehun asks. 

“I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable,” Junmyeon says. “I was just… you know, totally taken by surprise.” 

“It’s fine,” Sehun says. “I’m not uncomfortable.” 

“You look like… all goofy and stuff.” 

“Thank you,” Sehun says, and he reaches for his beer, takes another pull of it. 

“I just meant, like, I’m not trying to say anything! It’s not bad to be a virgin,” Junmyeon says. “And if I ever made you feel weird because—”

“You never stop talking about your sexual escapades,” Sehun says, “go on.” 

“Hey, low blow,” Junmyeon squints. “I’m trying to make you feel better here.” 

“I’m abnormal, I understand,” Sehun says. “I’ve come to terms with it.” 

“Oh, please.” 

“What?” 

Junmyeon throws his head back as he drains what’s left of his beer, crushing the can in his hand. 

“You’re just feeling sorry for yourself now,” Junmyeon says. 

“No, I’m _not_.” 

“You are,” Junmyeon says. “But you know that if you wanted to have sex, you could.” 

“It’s not as easy as you make it sound,” Sehun says. 

“Have you ever _tried_?” Junmyeon asks, raising his brows, but Sehun looks away. “That’s what I thought. Because, looking like you do, anyone who was into guys would do it. I’m talking _anyone_.”

“What, like _you?_ ” Sehun scoffs, the words practically falling out of his mouth before he can catch them and pull them back. 

Junmyeon stares at him, head tilted to the side, smirking. 

“Yeah, no shit I’d fuck you,” Junmyeon says. “You didn’t know?” 

Heat drowns Sehun, turns his stomach upside down with arousal. He reaches up to his face, feels the pink streak across his cheeks. He hopes Junmyeon can’t see. 

“Shut up,” Sehun says. 

“Why? I’m serious,” Junmyeon says. 

“You would not have sex with me,” Sehun scoffs. 

“Yes, I would,” Junmyeon says, and worse even than the words is the fact that he sounds _serious_. 

“You would have sex with _me_ ,” Sehun says, the disbelief thick in his mouth. 

“Of course.” 

“H-Have you even thought about it for more than a second?” Sehun asks. 

“Why would I need to think about it for more than a second?” Junmyeon asks. “I’m physically attracted to you, I think it would be hot to deflower you, and I know you have a big dick.” 

Sehun laughs, the sound pulled out of his chest. “Junmyeon, be serious.” 

“I am serious,” Junmyeon says. “I’d have sex with you right now if you wanted.” 

Sehun sputters, the heat churning with the buzz inside him. Images of Junmyeon jump into his head unbidden. His chest, his abdomen. The cut of his hip bones. Sleepy mornings with no shirt and sweats that sit too low for Sehun’s health. Sehun swallows. 

“Oh my God, you wanna have sex,” Junmyeon says, the same disbelief, awe that Sehun spoke with just moments ago. “You wanna have sex with me.” 

“No, shut up,” Sehun says. “First, you haven’t even considered how it might affect our relationship. I mean, we live together.” 

“I’ve never had a problem with things like this before,” Junmyeon says. “What, you think things will get weird once you fuck me?” 

Sehun’s mouth is dry with want, and he licks his lips in a fruitless attempt to rid himself of the feeling. 

“Yeah, I think that’s normal,” Sehun says. 

“How would you know?” Junmyeon smiles. “You’ve never done it before.” 

“I’ve seen movies. I’ve seen television shows. It always goes the same way.” 

“Do you think it’ll get weird?” Junmyeon asks. “Even though we’re such good friends?” 

“I think it would get weird _because_ we’re such good friends.” 

Junmyeon tilts his head from left to right, right to left, just… watching Sehun watch him back. In the end, he shrugs. 

“You know I’m up for it,” Junmyeon says. “So, I’ll leave it at that.” He pats Sehun’s feet, smiling at him. “I’m gonna go pee. Do you need another beer?” 

“I think I should probably, like, go to bed,” Sehun says, and he lifts his feet up, sitting up so that Junmyeon can wander back through the apartment towards the bathroom. 

The rest of the night is not unlike many they’ve shared before, cleaning up the living room after a couple hours of drinking, but when Sehun falls into bed that night, it is completely unlike any night before. He stares at the ceiling, dizzy and full of energy that he doesn’t know what to do with. 

He could have sex with Junmyeon if he wanted. Junmyeon made that perfectly clear. 

Does he want to? 

He strokes a hand down his body, closing his eyes. He imagines it as Junmyeon’s touch, shivering with pleasure as he cups himself through his gym shorts. His cock hardens even though the stimulation is bare fuckin’ minimum, and for the first time, Sehun has to come to terms with the knowledge that he finds Junmyeon… completely arresting. Enticing. Alluring. Walking temptation. 

Sehun slips his hand underneath the band of his shorts, and he jerks himself off through his underwear. He imagines Junmyeon’s body on his. Imagines Junmyeon touching him. Kissing him. Pulling them deeper into pleasure. His hand doesn’t cease, he finds himself building and building, he’s—he’s _close_. 

Frantically, Sehun shoves his hand down into his underwear, cupping his hand as he spills out into his palm. He bites his lip hard as he tumbles over into uncharted territory, the electricity zipping through him bright and yellow. 

He feels a lot more sober once he’s come, and as he lurches up to wash his mistakes down the drain, he realizes that everything, _everything_ has changed.  
  


**·**

  
  
Over the next several days, they don’t talk about what happened. In fact, they don’t talk much at all. Sehun can’t tell if it’s just for his benefit, if Junmyeon is letting Sehun come to him or what, but truthfully, he’s happy. He doesn’t think he could face Junmyeon if he tried. 

Quarantine does make things a little more difficult, of course. Sehun has to be creative in the ways he avoids Junmyeon, taking every opportunity afforded to him to get out of the same room. He holes up in his bedroom, taking longer showers and longer in the bathroom than is strictly necessary, and he eats on a different shift. 

Sure, it’s a lot of effort, but it’s infinitely better than the alternative. 

Junmyeon knows way too much now, told Sehun way too much. And Sehun… he doesn’t even wanna think about what he did that night and what he was thinking about while he did it. It goes against pretty much every law of friendship, he’s convinced. 

He’s forced to reconcile the fact that he’s kinda got a crush on Junmyeon throughout the self-imposed quarantine squared, but once he’s come to terms with it, there’s nothing else that can be done. 

He’ll just avoid Junmyeon until the lease is up.  
  


**·**

  
  
Someone once said the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, and if Sehun’s experience is universal, the same can be said for cowardly perverts. Junmyeon does not hide his growing frustration with Sehun, and Sehun can’t blame him. 

After all, he’s making things awkward. Uncomfortable. That’s what he does. That’s who he is. 

Sehun is slicing a banana to put over his Cheerios when Junmyeon stalks into the kitchen, thunking his coffee mug down onto the table. 

“What’s up?” Junmyeon says, a bit too casual to be casual. 

“Nothing,” Sehun says. “Cereal.” 

“Interesting,” Junmyeon says. “You know, we used to eat together.” 

“Yeah,” Sehun says. “My stomach’s been weird lately.” 

A beat of silence, and Sehun finishes cutting his banana, putting it over his cereal. 

“Interesting,” Junmyeon notes, and Sehun regretfully sits across the table from Junmyeon as he sips from his coffee. “Very interesting.” 

Sehun doesn’t give him even a thread of something to grab hold of, because once he gets something, he’ll never stop. He’s a whirlwind of determination in a tiny little bitchy body, and Sehun just— 

“Are you gonna stop being so weird?” Junmyeon asks. 

Sometimes he doesn’t even need anything to grab, Sehun reminds himself. Sometimes Junmyeon brings his own rope. 

“I’m not being weird,” Sehun says. 

“Explain exactly what you’re being then,” Junmyeon says, “because it certainly isn’t normal.” 

“I’m being normal.” 

“We haven’t had a conversation that was more than twenty words total in, like, a week,” Junmyeon says. “And I wonder why that is.” 

He makes a v with his thumb and his pointer finger, cups his jaw, and fakes a thoughtful pose. Sehun hates how much he wants him. 

“It’s nothing,” Sehun says. “And if I was being weird, I’m sorry. I’ll stop being weird.” 

Junmyeon drops the pose, sighing exasperatedly. 

“I don’t want you to… look, you’re bad at this,” Junmyeon says, and he kicks Sehun under the table. “Just admit it! You want to have sex with me!” 

“No,” Sehun says immediately. 

“Yes,” Junmyeon encourages. 

“No.” 

“ _Yes._ ”

“Well,” Sehun says, “maybe a little.” 

“A-ha!” Junmyeon says dramatically, pointing across the table top. “I knew it!” 

“Are you a detective?” Sehun asks. “Was this a mystery?” 

“I knew you were being a freak because I accessed and unlocked some deep, uncontrollable lust. _Way_ deep down in your id, you are just a caveman who wants to throw me over your shoulder and have your wicked way with me.” 

It’s stupid, stupidly worded to boot, and yet it isn’t far off from the truth. 

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea to get into this,” Sehun says. 

“I think it’s a great idea,” Junmyeon says. “Who better to take your virginity than me, a close personal friend of yours?” 

“Literally anyone else,” Sehun says. 

“Oh, quit being a little bitch about it,” Junmyeon says. “You don’t honestly think that, otherwise you would have gone out and gotten some by now.” Junmyeon frowns at Sehun. “At this point, I’m beginning to get offended.” 

“Offended because I won’t have sex with you?” Sehun says flatly.

“Well, I _know_ you want to,” Junmyeon says. “Otherwise this would have just, like, disappeared into the ether. But it hasn’t. It’s made things awkward between us. Why? Because you like the idea but you’re too repressed to say.” 

Sehun looks away. 

“Things get easier once you admit it for real,” Junmyeon says. 

“Fine,” Sehun says harshly. “Fine, I want to.” 

“Then let’s _do it_ ,” Junmyeon says. “I’ll teach you!” 

“Oh, nope,” Sehun says. “No way.” 

“Why not? It’ll be fun!” 

“I don’t like this energy,” Sehun says, moving his hands between them. 

“No? Feeling a little too vulnerable?” 

_Yes_ , Sehun thinks. _I think that maybe if I have sex with you, it’ll be obvious that I like you as more than just a friend, more than just a roommate. If I have sex with you, it will make me want to do it over and over again, long-term._

_Now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t want it to be a joke._

_Now that I’m thinking about it, I want this to be something real._

“We can just do it once,” Junmyeon suggests. “Just so you can check it off the bucket list. I can… you know, show you the ropes.” 

“It’s not on my bucket list,” Sehun insists. “I don’t need to see the ropes.” 

“What do you say?” Junmyeon says, blustering past his resolve. 

He looks at Sehun with such naked, unafraid zeal, and Sehun wants to taste that lust for life for himself. Just once. It only has to be once. 

“Okay,” Sehun says. “But just once.”  
  


**·**

  
  
Sehun doesn’t know when to expect it, doesn’t even know how to prepare for it. He walks around like sex is about to jump out from behind a closed door, but in reality, it happens very plainly. After a comfortable night of television and Switch _Jeopardy!_ , Junmyeon turns to him. 

“How about tonight?” he offers. 

“I don’t know,” Sehun says, shrugging. “I don’t think I’m ready yet.” 

“Nonsense,” Junmyeon says. “You’ve waited twenty-whatever years. No time like the present.”

“You keep saying.” 

“Because I mean it,” Junmyeon says, shaking Sehun by the shoulders. “Once you do it, you’ll realize there’s nothing to be scared of!” 

“I’m not _scared_. You’re… you’re just trying to get your plus,” Sehun leads, looking at Junmyeon with his most unimpressed face. 

“My plus?” 

“Your motive. Your plus.” 

“ _Plus_ ,” Junmyeon says, “I would really love to have sex right now.” 

Sehun lets his head fall to rest on the back of the couch, and he closes his eyes. 

“Fine,” he says. 

“I actually need more than fine,” Junmyeon’s voice says, and Sehun opens one eye to squint at him. “I don’t want to feel like I’m coercing you or anything, so like, a _Yes, sir_ would do just fine.” 

“I will never say _Yes, sir_ ,” Sehun says, and he closes his eyes again totally so he doesn’t have to watch Junmyeon’s expression as he says what comes next. “But yeah, I… I guess maybe tonight would be okay.” 

Junmyeon laughs giddily, slapping the couch cushions and singing a little song, the title of which Sehun can only assume is _I’m Getting Laid Tonight_. Sehun groans, eyes cracking open as he stares at the ceiling. What exactly has he gotten himself into? Lord only knows. 

Junmyeon takes it upon himself to prepare for the event, and Sehun wishes with all his heart that he could just bury his head in the sand. He eventually follows Junmyeon into the bedroom, _Sehun’s bedroom_ , and God, things seem a lot smaller when Junmyeon is there with him. He stares at Junmyeon as he whizzes around, setting out candles and queueing up a playlist, something soft and acoustic. 

Sehun would like nothing more than swift and immediate death. 

“The whole point is to _destigmatize_ ,” Junmyeon says, laying out condoms and a squeeze bottle of lube on Sehun’s nightstand. “Sex is _natural_ , and it’s _fine_. This is a _safe space_.” 

“Oh my God,” Sehun says, and he grabs his pillow, shoving his face into it to muffle a soft scream. 

He lowers the pillow to his lap, and he finds Junmyeon smiling at him. 

“Do you feel better?” 

“One hundred percent,” Sehun says. 

“Are you lying?” 

“Would you care if I was?” 

Junmyeon frowns, and he sits next to Sehun on the bed. He pulls Sehun into a hug, and Sehun is immediately drenched in the warmth of Junmyeon’s body. He tries to bite back a sigh, tries not to relax into the affection too much. 

“Of course I care. You’re stiff,” Junmyeon says, and his arms squeeze around Sehun’s body just that much tighter. “Nervous?” 

“No,” Sehun says nervously. 

“You’re extremely cute,” Junmyeon says, and he buries the words into Sehun’s shoulder, sending the vibrations down Sehun’s back. “It’s okay. Let’s just warm up by… by holding each other for a little while.” 

_A hug,_ Sehun thinks. _I can do this._

He tightens his arms around Junmyeon, his chin hooked over Junmyeon’s shoulder, and they sit there at the edge of the bed in a hug for what feels like forever. Eventually, Sehun is forced to breathe out, sighing into the embrace. Junmyeon smiles with a joyful sound. 

“Good,” Junmyeon praises, and Sehun shuts his eyes tightly. “You feel a little less nervous.” 

“I wasn’t nervous,” Sehun says. 

“You know,” Junmyeon says, “sex is mostly about honesty.” 

“Oh my God.” 

“I’m serious,” Junmyeon says, and he gently tugs Sehun back by the shoulders, staring at Sehun's hands as he threads his own fingers through Sehun’s. “That’s why it’s so hard for you now. Because you don’t like being honest with yourself.” 

“Junmyeon,” Sehun starts, a warning. 

_Don’t dig too deeply. You might not like what you find._

“Fine, fine. We can start.” 

Sehun sits there, waiting for Junmyeon to make a move, but it takes so long that by the end of the holdout, Sehun can hear the blood moving in his ears. 

“S-Should we kiss?” Sehun offers. 

“You don’t need to kiss to have sex,” Junmyeon says. 

“But they always kiss,” Sehun says, furrowing his brows. 

Junmyeon smiles. “Who’s _they?_ ” 

“You know, people in… movies,” he says, realizing how incriminating it sounds once he’s said it. 

“If you want to,” Junmyeon shrugs. 

“I mean, not if you don’t want to,” Sehun says. 

“I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to,” Junmyeon says, and he holds Sehun by the shoulder. “The question is whether _you_ want it.” 

Sehun lets his eyes move across Junmyeon’s face, along the seam of his lips. He supposes that’s answer enough. 

Junmyeon rolls his eyes, and he moves his hand to hold Sehun by the back of the neck. The seconds are slow, fraught with restraint. Sehun is keenly aware of the way the pads of Junmyeon’s fingertips feel along the sensitive skin at the back of his neck, and he focuses on that feeling as Junmyeon slowly pulls him in, closer and closer. 

They kiss for the first time in the middle of a dim ball of light that seems to grow brighter and brighter as the embrace stretches on. Sehun breathes out weakly against Junmyeon’s mouth as his chest goes hot, eager for more. It’s soft, sweet, and Sehun can’t remember the last time he kissed anyone. _Has it always felt like this,_ he wonders. _Has it always felt like love?_

Sehun wants, wants to take whatever he can, so in a fit of total insanity, he pushes Junmyeon down flat against the mattress, licking into his mouth as Junmyeon makes an easily swallowed sound of surprise. Sehun moves to hold himself up over Junmyeon’s body. He kisses Junmyeon with a passion that he _knows_ he should hold back, an enthusiasm that just fucking _reeks_ of virginity and yearning and stupid fucking repression, but what can he say? He can’t help himself. 

He holds himself up with one hand, the other holding Junmyeon by the arm, but slowly, slowly, the hand wanders, slipping down to hold Junmyeon by the waist and then by the hip. Junmyeon moans into Sehun’s mouth, and Sehun lets that sound wash over him, rolling down his spine and electrifying him. 

Sehun pulls back only once he feels Junmyeon pushing gently on his shoulder, and when he looks down at Junmyeon, _God_ , he is the picture of sin. Red, wet lips, a hazy look in his eyes. Sehun could do this forever if he was allowed. 

“W-Whoa,” Junmyeon says. “That was… something.” 

Fear pierces through Sehun’s stomach.

“S-Sorry,” Sehun says, and he sits up on his knees, wiping at his mouth. “Sorry, I didn’t… I thought—”

“No,” Junmyeon says, and he takes Sehun’s shirt by the collar, pulling Sehun down until he collapses on top of Junmyeon. “I meant a _good_ something.” 

“O-Oh.” 

“You need lots of praise and reassurance?” Junmyeon asks, raising an eyebrow. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.” 

“Stop,” Sehun says, and he shifts his body, grimly aware in that moment of how hard he is. “Sorry.” 

“Why are you sorry?” Junmyeon asks. “Isn’t that the reason we’re here?” 

He grinds his hips up, against Sehun’s cock, and Sehun squeezes his eyes shut, the pleasure zipping through him with the ferocity of lightning. 

“I guess,” Sehun says. 

“You guess?” Junmyeon grins, and his smile looks so devilish from this angle, spread out along the sheets. “Had something else in mind? Something a little freakier?” 

“What’s freakier than anal sex?” Sehun asks, and he can’t believe he manages to get the words out, his whole face going red after. 

“Oh, you sweet little baby, you,” Junmyeon whispers, and he threads his fingers through the ends of Sehun’s hair, pulling him down gently. “Daddy will take care of you.” 

Sehun moans softly as Junmyeon kisses him again. He wishes he had the chance to protest the _Daddy_ thing, but he is so wrapped up in Junmyeon’s kiss that he forgets by the time Junmyeon rolls Sehun onto his back. 

They kiss for a long time, or what Sehun would judge to be a long time. He loses himself a bit in it, unable to keep track. He doesn’t think he’s ever spent so long kissing before, but then again, it’s never been foreplay before. 

Even the word _foreplay_ in his head is able to make him shiver, a tremor running down his spine and through Junmyeon. Junmyeon moans softly into his mouth, the most delicious sound, and Sehun swallows it down as he holds Junmyeon by the neck, eagerly pushing himself up against Junmyeon. 

They move against each other, something easy and familiar, and Sehun relaxes into the bed as Junmyeon presses him down, the friction beginning to work him into a frenzy. His lashes flutter, and he is torn between wanting to watch Junmyeon every step of the way and wanting to keep his eyes closed, drowning in sensation alone. 

“Take your shirt off,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun watches his lips as he says it, red and tempting. 

Sehun doesn’t want to move, doesn’t want to do anything besides grind against the hot hard length of Junmyeon’s body, but more than anything, he wants to impress. Wants to rise to the occasion. Junmyeon’s had plenty of lovers, men in rotation. 

If he only gets to do this once, then Sehun wants to stand out. 

They shift. Sehun gets up onto his knees, straddling Junmyeon’s body, and he pulls his shirt off in one clean motion over his head. He tosses it to the side, resisting the urge to collapse back down onto Junmyeon, covering him with the newly bared flesh. 

Instead, he lets Junmyeon look his fill, eyes roaming over his shoulders, his chest, his abdomen. Sehun strokes an idle hand down his stomach, and he’s sure that it calls attention to the erection in his sweats. Junmyeon follows the movement, gaze caught by the shadow, and Sehun wonders… 

He lets his hand fall down to grip himself through his sweats, giving his cock a tug, and Junmyeon’s eyes immediately snap to Sehun’s. 

“You want to fuck me?” Junmyeon asks. “Because that’s how you get to fuck me.” 

“I want to,” Sehun says softly. 

Junmyeon smiles as he reaches up, hands capping Sehun by the shoulders, and then, the world spins. Sehun is put cleanly on his back as Junmyeon strips over him. His shirt is tossed off him with practice, and Sehun barely has a chance to gawk before Junmyeon starts working on his pants. 

“S-Shouldn’t we slow down?” Sehun wonders. “Spend more time—” 

“Stripping?” Junmyeon teases. “Is that a kink of yours?” 

Sehun sputters. “T—T-That’s what I… you know that’s not what I meant.” 

“Then what did you mean?” Junmyeon asks, and he stands up at the edge of the bed, pulling his pants down slowly like the tease that he is. “You mean like this?” 

Sehun’s mouth goes dry as he watches Junmyeon step out of his pants, kicking them off to the side. He’s wearing… _God_ , he’s wearing a fucking jockstrap. It’s black and bright, neon blue along the straps, emblazoned with an unfamiliar name. His eyes go to the swell in the front, and just for a second, Sehun lets himself picture what it will look like once Junmyeon turns around. 

“Well?” Junmyeon asks, a hand on his hip. 

“D-Do you wear those every day?” Sehun asks. 

“I’m almost naked in front of you, and you wanna know about my underwear habits?” 

“T-Thats not all I want to know,” Sehun says. 

“Yeah?” Junmyeon asks, and he smirks at Sehun, covering his front with a casual hand. “You wanna know more?” 

Junmyeon pulls Sehun’s sweats off by the ankles like he’s done it a thousand times. Like it’s something he’s been thinking about. The cold air… it makes Sehun shiver. 

“Yeah,” Sehun says, all the air stolen from his lungs suddenly. “Yes.” 

“Okay,” Junmyeon says, and he crawls onto the bed, the movement of his spine alluring in ways that Sehun doesn’t even think he could possibly understand. “Like what? What do you wanna know?” 

Sehun opens his mouth to answer as Junmyeon crawls over him, nothing but the fabric of their underwear between them. He looks down between their bodies as their erections touch, brush against each other, and he moans softly before Junmyeon steals a kiss from him. The overwhelming heat that surrounds them, sudden and striking, Sehun can’t begin to explain it away. Can’t rationalize it. Can’t compartmentalize it. 

He is so fucking in love, he can barely stand it. 

“I like the way you kiss me,” Junmyeon says breathlessly, and he looks down his body, looks at where he’s rubbing himself against Sehun. “And I like this.” 

“I-I’m glad,” Sehun says, barely able to get the words out without tripping over them. 

Tremors of pleasure run through him just under the surface of his skin, and it feels like they’re about to jump out of him, radiating red and gold. 

“Tell me what you want,” Junmyeon says. “Are you comfortable with this?” 

_With this?_ Sehun thinks. _You overtop of me? Your heat against mine? Yeah, I’m comfortable with that._

“Yeah,” he says. 

“Can I suck it?” Junmyeon asks, and Sehun nearly short-circuits, hot water drenching through him. 

“Yeah,” Sehun says. “If you want.” 

“How could I not want it?” Junmyeon asks, and he thrusts his hips, grinding his cock into Sehun’s harder, quicker. “Look at you. Fucking… _God_.” 

Sehun screws his eyes shut tightly, unable to keep his hips from responding in kind. The thought of Junmyeon’s lips wrapped around his cock, his warm, wet mouth… the pressure of his body over Sehun’s own… it is so much. So much all at once. 

He opens his eyes in a fit of fear, the orgasm tightening his core, and Junmyeon looks up at him as he sinks down, slithering his body down the bed. 

“Do you like the music?” Junmyeon asks, and he presses a soft kiss to the front of Sehun’s underwear. 

“T-The what?” 

“The music,” Junmyeon says, and he gives Sehun’s cock another chaste kiss before nuzzling his cheek against it. “Do you think it’s relaxing?” 

Sehun blinks wetly as he stares down at Junmyeon, face against Sehun’s dick. He can’t hear anything besides the rush of blood in his ears. 

“Yeah,” he says. 

Junmyeon smiles as he takes the elastic in both hands, peeling it back until Sehun’s cock pops out. He twitches when Junmyeon settles the band underneath his balls. It hurts a little at first, but he doesn’t have long to focus on that, not when Junmyeon strokes a hand over Sehun’s cock. 

He bites his lip to stop from crying out. 

“Has anyone ever touched you like this before?” Junmyeon asks. 

“N-Never,” Sehun whispers. 

Junmyeon tightens his hand a little, sliding his dry fist down the length of Sehun’s cock. 

“How’s it feel?” he wonders. 

“Good,” Sehun says, and he swallows thickly, trying to get some spit in his mouth. “Really good.” 

“It’ll feel better when it’s wet,” Junmyeon says. “Much better. Do you want me to get it wet for you?” 

Sehun nods furiously, almost overcome with desire as he watches Junmyeon lower himself down, eyes still locked on Sehun’s as he licks at the head of Sehun’s cock. 

It is the most sinful picture he’s ever had the pleasure of viewing with his own eyes, one of Junmyeon’s hands wrapped around the base as he slides his mouth down the side of the shaft. His tongue slips along the length, and Sehun aches for a sensation he can’t name, not until Junmyeon raises himself back up, circling his lips around the head and sucking Sehun down several inches. Sehun chokes on a moan, struggling to find air as his hands move to touch Junmyeon’s face, his hair. 

It’s getting longer by the day. 

Sehun holds himself excruciatingly still as he lets the most all-encompassing pleasure of his life wash over him, coating his nerves in gasoline and holding the sparkling match over him. He screws his eyes shut, head back against the bed, and he tries not to move. He wants, wants with all his heart to kick his hips, thrust into the warmth of Junmyeon’s mouth, but… but that would reveal just how inexperienced and eager he is. Not that Junmyeon isn’t already painfully aware. 

Junmyeon bobs his head with a level of expertise that Sehun would find a little worrying if he weren’t on the receiving end of the world’s best blowjob. Thinking the word _blowjob_ gets him a little hotter than the moment before, and when Junmyeon starts to hum around his dick, _God_ , it’s nearly overwhelming. The waves are beating him over the head, one after another, and he can’t struggle to the surface. His body is tense and hot, and he wants… he _wants_.

“J—You have to stop,” Sehun says, panicking as he tries to push Junmyeon back by the shoulder. “Junmyeon. S-Stop, I’m going to come.” 

Junmyeon’s hand around the base of his cock becomes vice-like, and he hungrily sucks Sehun’s dick like… like he _wants_ Sehun to come in his mouth. 

Sehun strangles out a noise of utter desperation as he futilely attempts one last time to shove Junmyeon off of him, but with every passing second, the reality of the situation settles in. He’s going to come in Junmyeon’s mouth. He’s going to. It’s unavoidable now. 

He stares down at Junmyeon, body tightening as he thrusts, a hand on Junmyeon’s cheek as he sucks him clean. The orgasm is like nothing he’s ever experienced before, the kind of pleasure that sits heavily on your stomach, the kind of fog so thick you can’t see through it until it’s over. He looks into Junmyeon’s eyes, Junmyeon milking him through it, and when all is said and done, Sehun collapses back to the bed, chest heaving with effort. 

He tries to catch his breath as he watches Junmyeon stand up from the bed, crossing to the bedside table to grab a tissue. He spits into it, chucks it into the bin, and Sehun huffs out a laugh as Junmyeon grabs for the lube too. 

“What?” 

“Nothing,” Sehun says. “I don’t know, I’m just… I feel dumb.” 

“Don’t feel dumb. You lasted longer than I thought you would,” Junmyeon says, and he climbs back over Sehun, the bottle of lube forgotten on the bed. 

Junmyeon works himself against Sehun’s soft cock like he’s in heat, just needing something to grind against, and Sehun gasps with the stimulation. 

“Virgins can always get it up quick,” Junmyeon says. “So I thought it would give us time to work.” 

“Work on what?” 

“Put me on my back and find out,” Junmyeon says, and he kisses Sehun deeply, tongue in Sehun’s mouth. He can practically taste himself. 

Sehun’s stomach goes wet with heat as he surges up, rolling Junmyeon onto his back. Junmyeon groans into his mouth, legs spreading as Sehun shoves his underwear down his legs with one hand and then with the other. He kicks them off, kneels up between Junmyeon’s legs, and waits for instruction. 

“Take this,” Junmyeon says, and he puts the bottle of lube into Sehun’s hands. “And get me wet with it.” 

Sehun licks his lips as he squirts some of the lube along his fingers. He’s read about this before, of course, he’s not completely hopeless. Wetter’s better, everyone said, so he uses a generous amount. He reaches forward hesitantly, swallowing questions as he touches Junmyeon along his hole. Junmyeon closes his eyes, and Sehun watches them slip shut like it feels good. Encouraged, Sehun strokes them along his hole with a little more force, just sort of… pressing. 

“Mm,” Junmyeon sighs, and he opens his eyes. “Yeah.” 

“S-Should I… put it in?” 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says. “Put it in.” 

Sehun bites his lip as he presses the tip of his finger in, amazed by the way it sinks in like it’s supposed to go there. He looks up at Junmyeon, studying his face, but he doesn’t react much at all. In fact, it’s almost like he… like he’s watching for _Sehun’s_ reactions. 

“Go ahead,” Junmyeon coaches, and he spreads his legs a little wider, smiles a little more encouragingly. 

Sehun bites his lip as he presses his finger inside, the sensation so strange as he tries to push past the resistance. Junmyeon squeezes his eyes shut, and his body seems to relax on command, a little submission as he lets Sehun in, as Sehun’s finger slides deeper into Junmyeon’s body. 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says, “just like that.” 

Sehun tries to think of something to say, but the only thing he can think is _how am I going to survive being inside someone so wet, tight, and warm?_

“If you’re fucking someone who isn’t used to this, you have to go a lot slower,” Junmyeon says, explaining as if a blush isn’t coursing down his chest, threatening to spread over his abdomen. “You’ll have to take your time and listen to their body.” 

“A-And how would one do that?” Sehun asks, transfixed by the sight of his finger disappearing inside Junmyeon. 

“You just listen,” Junmyeon says. “Pay attention to reactions.” 

Suddenly, Junmyeon’s body goes rigid, and alarm races through Sehun. _Did I do something wrong,_ he asks himself. _Did I hurt him? Did I screw it up already?_ Junmyeon is tightened like a vice around his finger, and Sehun’s mouth falls open to ask. 

“See?” Junmyeon asks. “There’s a difference between that and—” and he easily relaxes his body, everything going liquid and warm, spreading like honey over the sheets, “this.” 

“God,” Sehun says, relief washing over him, “warn me next time.” 

“Just pay attention to my body language,” Junmyeon says, dutifully ignoring him. “That’s lesson one.” 

“Got it,” Sehun says. “What’s lesson two?” 

“Do you know where my prostate is?” Junmyeon asks. 

“Uh, theoretically, yes.” 

“Well, let’s put theory into practice,” Junmyeon says excitedly. “Stretch me out a little, and then we can try.” 

Sehun’s heart leaps into his mouth as he adds more lube onto his fingers, trying to slip two in this time as opposed to just one. 

_Be confident,_ he tells himself. _Be self-assured. Act like you’ve been here before even though it’s painfully obvious that you haven’t been._

He is gentle as he thrusts two fingers into Junmyeon, and Junmyeon makes a soft noise when they sink in. Sehun studies his reactions, looks for hints of pain or pleasure, and when he finds only pleasure, he makes sure to give Junmyeon a few seconds to adjust to the new sensation before he moves them in and out slowly, softly. 

“That’s good,” Junmyeon whispers, and he draws his feet a little higher on the bed, planting his heels as he rocks down onto Sehun’s fingers. He stills his hand, lets Junmyeon use him as he wants, and God, nothing has ever been hotter. “That’s so good, fuck.” 

Junmyeon breathes in air and breathes out sex, and Sehun is overwhelmed by the arousal that sits heavy and thick in his stomach, a fog in his head that he can’t disperse. He watches in awe, in anticipation as Junmyeon rides his hand furiously like he will take what he wants no matter what. 

“F-Fuck,” he says, whole body shivering as his back curves, as he relaxes again. “Sorry, I kinda… I forgot what we were doing here.” 

“Has it been that long?” Sehun wonders. 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says. “I missed… I missed sex with someone else. It’s not as good on your own.” Sehun is seeing that for the truth that it is in this moment, never more aware of the fact than right then, Junmyeon staring up at him. “Do you wanna try to find my prostate now?” 

“U-Uh, sure,” Sehun says, and he twists his wrist to begin stroking the pads of his fingers along Junmyeon, trying to remember all the things he saw, all the things he read. 

“Good,” Junmyeon says. “And remember that it will get more obvious as I get more into it.” 

“Right,” Sehun says, and he squints, desperate to find the right spot before it becomes an embarrassment. 

He strokes inside Junmyeon, petting along the walls as he searches, and he grows increasingly frustrated with the lack of response, frowning as he moves faster. 

“Slow down,” Junmyeon says. “It’s not a race.” 

“I know that.” 

“Then go slow,” Junmyeon says, “and watch me.” 

Sehun moves his fingers a bit slower, and he watches Junmyeon a bit more closely. Still, he can’t find what he’s looking for. Desperation builds up along his shoulders, and he hunches over. 

“I kinda thought this would be easier,” Sehun says. “They make it look easy in videos.” 

“There’s a learning curve,” Junmyeon advises, and he shifts his hips, angling himself downward. “Try now.” 

Sehun strokes his fingers down, and Junmyeon’s body arches and bows as Sehun circles over his prostate. _Just like that_ , Sehun thinks in awe, watching as Junmyeon squirms in pleasure, writhing under Sehun’s touch. 

“See that?” Junmyeon gasps. “It’s a little different for everyone. Try different angles, different positions. And just go slow until you find it.” 

“Does it feel good?” Sehun asks. 

“You ever had your prostate touched?” Sehun feels embarrassed to say _no_ , so he just says nothing instead. “Someday, when you feel it… you will understand.” 

Sehun lets his mind wander to the possibility of being in Junmyeon’s position, legs spread wide, someone’s fingers plunged deep inside his body. Tingling, fracturing pleasure… his toes curl at the thought. 

“You like that idea?” Junmyeon asks, voice going thin as Sehun works. “Bottoming?” 

Sehun gives a weak shrug. “I-I guess.” 

“So you think you’re a switch?” Junmyeon asks. 

“I don’t know,” Sehun says. “P-Probably.” 

“You won’t have much luck with me topping, but who knows?” Junmyeon says, and the way he says it, like it’s something he’s thought about it, like he’s considering it… it makes Sehun’s mouth go dry. 

Sehun thrusts his fingers into Junmyeon’s body with more purpose, and as the seconds tick by, he becomes more and more obsessed with the idea of fucking Junmyeon, losing his virginity to him in this ball of light they’ve built from nothing. 

“Fuck,” Junmyeon says, and he presses his feet down into the bed, rocking his hips against Sehun’s fingers. “Fuck, you’re…” 

“What?” 

“A quick learner,” Junmyeon says, and he stares at Sehun. “Or maybe you just have a good teacher?” 

“Shut up,” Sehun whispers. “Just—”

“Just what? Just _take_ it?” 

Sehun groans, trying to sound exasperated, but he can’t seem to sell it. He is so excited that he feels himself leak, wet as he stretches Junmyeon open to take him. 

“You wanna make me come now?” Junmyeon asks. “Because that’s what it feels like you’re trying for.” 

“N—Does it hurt... if you come before?” Sehun asks. 

“Yeah, a little,” Junmyeon says. “Not, like, _painful_ painful for me, but a little… I dunno. A little too much.” 

“Then no,” Sehun says. He wants it to be perfect. As close to perfect as possible. 

“Okay,” Junmyeon says. “Take them out.” 

Sehun bites his lip as he withdraws, watching a nearly imperceptible shiver run across Junmyeon’s lower half as he does so. Junmyeon doesn’t wait, hands Sehun the lube again, and a little foil packet too. 

“We’ll go slow,” Junmyeon promises. 

“I-I don’t want to go slow,” Sehun says. 

“No?” 

_I just want to get it over with,_ he thinks, but that isn’t entirely the case, even he knows that. Junmyeon feels a little too intimidating, a little _too_ experienced. What if Sehun does something wrong? 

“I don’t know, I just… I just wanna—” 

“Wanna what?” 

“Want to fuck you,” Sehun admits, and the immediate shame of such raw honesty pours over him, boiling hot and bubbling against his skin. 

“Wow,” Junmyeon says, and there is a streak of red running from his cheeks to the side of his neck. “You’re getting it now.” He nods down to the condom. “Put it on.” 

Sehun obeys quickly, rolling the condom down onto himself and slicking himself up. It feels so strange, a moment suspended in time. He looks down at Junmyeon, lines himself up, and he hesitates.

“What are you waiting for?” Junmyeon asks. 

Sehun realizes he has no good answer for that, so instead of waiting any longer, he pushes inside Junmyeon’s body and watches the way Junmyeon holds his eye contact, like he doesn’t want to miss a fucking moment. 

It is overwhelming pressure, almost like Junmyeon is tightening around him on all sides, hot and wet. Swallowing him up. He moans softly as he stares down at Junmyeon, eyes watering with desire as he realizes frantically that so much is welling inside him. Emotion and arousal, it’s all tumbling together into deeper shades of red. Hurriedly, Sehun bottoms out, makes Junmyeon gasp as he gathers him up in his arms, cheek against Junmyeons so that he can hide his face. 

“It’s okay if you don’t last long,” Junmyeon says, and he wraps his arms around Sehun’s neck. “I’ve been with a lot of virgins. I like it. Makes me feel young and spry.” 

“You’re not even thirty yet,” Sehun says, sniffing to clear away the tears of relief and frustration and love. Junmyeon laughs, a torturous move. “A-Ah, fuck.” 

“Oh, sorry,” Junmyeon says. 

“You don’t sound sorry at all.” 

“You’re right,” Junmyeon says, “I’m not.” 

Sehun smiles despite himself, and he lifts himself back up to press a kiss to Junmyeon’s cheek. 

“Did I hurt you?” Sehun asks. 

“You’re sweet,” Junmyeon says, and he reaches up, takes Sehun’s face in his hand. “No, you didn’t hurt me.” 

“Good.” 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says. “How are you? How’s it feel to be officially deflowered?” 

“I-I dunno,” Sehun says. “I-It feels good, I guess.” 

“You guess?” Junmyeon laughs. 

“It feels great,” Sehun corrects. 

Junmyeon plays with the ends of Sehun’s hair at the back of his neck, and it makes an electrical current leap down Sehun’s spine. 

“Better,” Junmyeon judges, and he pulls Sehun down into a soft kiss, one that grows in passion like a well-fed fire. Little by little, and the kiss of life. Air. Breath. Mouth to mouth. 

They lie there as they kiss, connected on nearly every inch of their bodies, and again, Sehun is almost overwhelmed by the immensity of his emotions. He licks into Junmyeon’s mouth and tastes a little future, a fantasy that he can dive into for one night and one night only. He pulls back, thrusts back in, and he swallows Junmyeon’s moan of surprise. 

“Y-Yeah?” Junmyeon asks, forehead against Sehun’s. “You want it?” 

“Yeah,” Sehun confesses. 

“Do it. Fuck me.” 

Sehun squeezes his eyes shut so hard he goes dizzy, and when he opens them again, the streaks of yellow-white stars dance around Junmyeon like halo light. He works his hips, watching Junmyeon shut his eyes like he likes it, and God, that’s a power like none other. 

He fucks him slowly at first, not wanting to come too quickly, but then Junmyeon reaches down to touch himself, squeezing Sehun so fucking tight it makes him moan. He thrusts inside him harder, faster, with more muscle behind each push, and it feels better and better, easier and easier to imagine himself spilling inside Junmyeon’s body. 

“F-Fuck,” he whispers, working his hips thunderously, the sounds of their skin loud in the small room. “Fuck, I—” 

“Does it feel good?” Junmyeon asks, voice hiccuping as Sehun fucks him. “Do you like it?” 

“I like it,” Sehun whispers, “I like it, I’m…” 

“You gonna come?” 

Sehun grows desperate and panicky, wanting to hold onto it for as long as he possibly can, but the moment screams towards him, loud and big and strong. He moans, body stiff and taut as he comes inside Junmyeon’s body, as Junmyeon milks him through it. He collapses onto him, Junmyeon’s hand caught between him, and he hears it and _feels it_ when Junmyeon comes, still wrapped around his cock. 

“Fuck,” Junmyeon whispers, harsh and wonderful. 

“Fuck,” Sehun says, regretful that he didn’t get it for longer. 

He falls off to the side, petting the hair away from Junmyeon’s sweaty face as they stare at each other. It feels like a good moment for a confession, but Sehun waits just a moment too long. 

“I gotta go clean up real quick, okay?” Junmyeon says. 

Sehun’s heart drops. It’s gone. He missed it. 

“Shouldn’t I do that for you?” Sehun asks. 

“First time’s free,” Junmyeon teases. 

Junmyeon lifts himself up from the embrace slowly, and Sehun barely has a chance to miss him before he’s back, curling into Sehun’s arms. 

“I’m glad we got to do this,” Junmyeon says, and he cuddles in closely. “Really glad.” 

“Me too.” 

“You don’t regret it?” 

Sehun looks down at him, resists the urge to brush his fingers against Junmyeon’s cheek. “No. I don’t regret it.” 

Junmyeon closes his eyes peacefully as he sinks back into Sehun’s embrace, into the mattress. 

“Good,” he says. “I don’t think I would be able to live with myself if you regretted it.” 

Sehun closes his eyes, thinks _It’s the farthest thing from regret._

He waits until he’s sure that Junmyeon is asleep, listening to the even, measured rhythm of his breathing, watching the hummingbird beat of his lashes as he dreams. 

“I think this is the best night of my life,” he whispers, content with the fact that Junmyeon will never know.  
  


**·**

  
  
When he wakes the next morning, the bed is already empty. Sehun kind of figured that would be the case. He knows enough about Junmyeon to know that he’s got rules for hookups, and one of those rules is to never wake up in bed together. It leads to too much emotional intimacy, Junmyeon says. 

Sehun reaches out next to him, and he doesn’t feel any warmth left there. He closes his eyes and as he stretches, he imagines Junmyeon’s body there, the curve of his shoulder, the soft press of sheets into his skin. 

It would be quite intimate, he thinks with a smile. _Maybe someday._

Just as the thought crystalizes, there is a knock at his bedroom door. 

“Hey,” Junmyeon’s voice says, “breakfast.” 

“Okay,” Sehun says. 

“You just wake up?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Up and at ‘em.” 

Sehun lies there for another moment or two before pushing up, walking out into the kitchen, and sitting down at the table. Junmyeon gives him coffee, slides eggs and toast over towards him, and Sehun gratefully takes the opportunity _not_ to talk. Who knows what kind of idiocy he would spout off with? 

They eat in relative silence, and the only comment Sehun makes is how good the eggs are. 

“I’m extremely good at cooking,” Junmyeon says. It is a lie, which makes Sehun snort. “Did you sleep well?” 

Sehun clears his throat furtively. “I slept okay.” 

“So we’re… all good and stuff?” 

“Yeah, we’re good,” Sehun says, and he finishes his egg, washing it down with what’s left of his coffee. 

“Are you sure?” 

“I’m sure.” 

Sehun looks at Junmyeon looking at him, and Sehun has the unique sensation of being judged. 

_What does he always see in me that I can’t see in myself_ , Sehun wonders. 

“You can tell me if you regret it,” Junmyeon says. “It won’t hurt my feelings or anything.” 

“I don’t regret it.” 

“That’s good,” Junmyeon says, and he takes a sip of his coffee, elbows on the table as he sits the mug back down. “What’s on your mind then?” 

Junmyeon looks so open and honest, and _God_ , hasn’t Sehun spent long enough pretending? Hasn’t he diluted the truth inside him so much it doesn’t even taste like the truth anymore? He uncovers something there at their table, a feeling he never would have acknowledged or known about without Junmyeon’s prodding. 

“I just wish I had a little bit more time to… I don’t know,” Sehun says. “It sounds stupid.” 

“Why don’t you let me judge for myself, huh?” Junmyeon says. “What’s so stupid?” 

“Like, I’ve only done it once. I don’t have… I don’t know. I’m still a virgin, you know.” 

“Technically, you are the exact opposite, but go on.” 

“See, you don’t get it,” Sehun says. 

“Well, if that’s what you’re concerned about, then I don’t see why it has to end,” Junmyeon says. 

“W-What?” 

“I mean, this is the perfect solution to both of our problems,” Junmyeon says, and he points to Sehun. “You need experience.” He points to himself. “I need sexual intimacy.” He waves his hands between the two of them like they’re dancing along the soundwaves. “It’s a win-win.” 

“A-And you’re okay with that?” 

“I’m the one who brought it up,” Junmyeon says. “Of course I’m okay with it. Are _you_ okay with it?” 

“Yeah,” Sehun says. “Yeah, I’m okay with it.” 

“So we’re sleeping together,” Junmyeon says. “That settles it.” 

“Yeah,” Sehun says, stomach flooding with an emotion he can’t figure out. “Yeah, that settles it.” 

“We should talk more though.” Junmyeon looks back over Sehun’s shoulder, pointing to the couch. “Let’s sit on the couch.” 

“Is this a sitting on the couch conversation?” 

“For me? No,” Junmyeon smiles. “For you? Probably.” 

“Oh god,” Sehun says, but Junmyeon stands, lacing his fingers through Sehun’s, pulling him up and over towards the couch gently. Sehun sits, hands on his lap. “All right. W-What do we need to talk about?” 

“We should go over ground rules,” Junmyeon says. “Chief among them… we can’t let this get weird between us. This is a safe space and everything, but like, I don’t want it to ruin our friendship.” 

Sehun swallows thickly. “Right. Yeah, of course.” 

“So you agree?” 

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I agree.” 

“So we are keeping this as equal as possible. This is a student-teacher relationship,” Junmyeon says. “Friends.” 

“I don’t like you calling it student-teacher,” Sehun says, frowning. 

“Mentor-mentee,” Junmyeon suggests. 

Sehun scoffs. “Fine. Sure.” 

“If you want to learn, then you have to come in with an open mind,” Junmyeon says. “You have to be willing to try things.” 

“What kinds of things?” Sehun asks warily. “I thought it would just be, like, you know. Sex.” 

“Sex is like a rainbow,” Junmyeon says happily. “There’s so much _range_.” 

“I mean we’ve done it already,” Sehun says. “I think I get the general idea.” 

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. “Have you sucked a dick yet?” 

“N-No,” Sehun says, and the heat rises up through his middle. 

“Have you gotten your ass eaten?” Junmyeon asks. “Have you eaten my ass?” 

“No.”

“Have I fingered you? Have you been fucked? Have you had a prostate orgasm?” 

“O-Okay, I get it,” Sehun says. 

“Have you been restrained? Have you talked dirty? Have you experimented with bodily fluids?” 

“Oh, gross,” Sehun says, wrinkling his brow. 

“See! I knew it! You’re a fucking repressed _bitch_!” Junmyeon accuses sharply. 

“I’m not repressed, I’m just… whatever, I don’t have any interest in that,” Sehun says. “Bodily fluids.” 

“That’s fair,” Junmyeon says, but he reaches up, and he strokes two fingers down Sehun’s cheek, skimming them along the line of Sehun’s throat. “But what if you were sucking my dick? What if I was underneath you, just, like, writhing in pleasure, pleasure _you’d_ given me, and I was just about to come, oh my _God_ , so close, I’m gonna come, I’m gonna come…” 

Sehun watches him helplessly, transfixed as Junmyeon throws his head back with a series of progressively more devastating moans before lifting his head again, hand wrapped softly around Sehun’s throat. He stares into Sehun’s eyes, and Sehun is so caught in the gaze, wrapped in the web, that he has to blink slowly just to get away from it for a second. 

“What if I asked you to swallow then?” Junmyeon asks, and the words burst over Sehun’s skin like fireworks. 

He lets his eyes search Junmyeon’s, and oh, he’s never been so taken by surprise. There is an unnameable heat in his gaze, and it simmers through Sehun, effervescent and enlightening. He’s thought about it, never saw the appeal, but imagining himself sinking to his knees, imagining Junmyeon pushing into his mouth, imagining Junmyeon throwing his head back and telling Sehun to swallow his come… 

“See?” Junmyeon says softly. “You’ve thought about things in the abstract.” He leans in, mouth so close to Sehun’s that he can practically feel the words. “Sometimes, you don’t know a boundary until you cross it.” 

“W-What do you mean?” 

“I mean that this should be an _exploration_ ,” Junmyeon says, and he presses a soft kiss to Sehun’s lips. “You’re my friend, I love you, I would never push you into anything you didn’t wanna do… but this could be a valuable experience for _later_ relationships.” 

“O-Okay,” Sehun agrees. 

“Okay?” 

“Yeah, I think maybe that will be okay,” Sehun says. 

“Yeah?” Junmyeon asks excitedly. “Okay, go shower and brush your teeth.” 

“Why? Are we going somewhere?”

“No?” Junmyeon says, tilting his head to the side. “Lesson one starts today.” 

“We just ate breakfast,” Sehun says. 

“Is it illegal to have sex in the morning?” 

“It probably should be.” 

“Go, go,” Junmyeon says happily. “I’ll get things ready.” 

“Did you have this planned or something?” Sehun asks. 

“Well, I had some ideas,” Junmyeon says, shimmying his shoulders playfully. “Is that bad?” 

Sehun puts a hand to his face to hide the sudden blush that rises to his face. He stands up, heads to his room to gather his shower supplies. 

“Remember to clean well,” Junmyeon yells after him, and Sehun moans softly, annoyed but excited. 

Junmyeon brings out this side of him, he thinks. That has to be a good thing.  
  


**·**

  
  
By the time Sehun is done with his shower, he has managed to calm himself down. He thought the warm water might exacerbate the issue, but closing his eyes, tilting his head back and letting himself breathe in the steam, he feels a lot more relaxed. 

He steps out of the bathroom with the towel around his waist, and Junmyeon’s eyes light up. 

“Did you do what I said?” Junmyeon asks. 

“Yeah,” Sehun says, and he feels as the blush spreads down his neck. 

“Then get on over here, sailor,” Junmyeon says. “Lesson one begins now.” Sehun hesitates, and Junmyeon looks at him. “What?” 

“Nothing, I just… you’re not naked,” Sehun says. “And I’m, like, naked.” 

“Well not yet. Drop the towel.” Sehun does not drop the towel. “You need me to be naked to finger you?” 

Sehun shrugs. 

Junmyeon sighs, standing up smoothly before pulling his shirt over his head, shoving his pants and his underwear to the floor, and spreading his hands like _Well? My cock isn’t going to pleasure itself._

Sehun drops his towel to the floor, and he steps forward to kiss Junmyeon. It feels so easy now, feels like now that they’ve leaped over the first hurdle, maybe it won’t be so difficult to make it over the rest. And who knows? Maybe the last hurdle has always been love. 

Sehun moans against Junmyeon’s mouth, and he can’t help himself. He takes Junmyeon in a deeper kiss, one that feels like an agreement between the two of them. He licks into Sehun’s mouth until he groans, pulling Sehun down on top of him and onto the bed. Their bodies press together in the most delicious way, warm and weighty, and Sehun kisses Junmyeon harder, making soft sounds that echo in Junmyeon’s mouth. 

“I’ll try… I’ll try whatever you think I should,” Sehun whispers. “I’ll do whatever you want me to try.” 

“That’s the spirit,” Junmyeon praises. “Now get on your back and spread your legs.” 

“R-Right now?” 

“You got somewhere else to be?” Junmyeon says, and he raises his brows looking down at Sehun’s erect cock. “Dinner with the parents? DMV? Met Gala?” 

Sehun grimaces, and Junmyeon throws his head back with a laugh. Instead of doing what it’s supposed to do, which Sehun can only assume is _relax him_ , it makes him more tense. Junmyeon is stupid. He’s got a bad sense of humor. He’s a little selfish, a little bitchy, and still, even with all this… Sehun loves him. 

Not even _in spite_ of these things. _Because of them_. 

Sehun falls back onto the bed with the realization that he is helplessly, hopelessly in love with Junmyeon and as he spreads his legs, as Junmyeon crawls between them, Sehun knows that he is going to have to find a way to compartmentalize all the feelings that swirl through him. Arousal, affection, desire, and love. Sometimes he’s too easily read. Sometimes Junmyeon can figure him out with just a glance. 

Junmyeon strokes his fingers along the length of Sehun’s thigh. Sehun looks away so that he doesn’t come too soon. Junmyeon staring so insistently at him, looking at him like… like he’s waiting to devour him? He doesn’t think he’s ever gonna be desensitized to that. 

“First tip,” Junmyeon says. “Be honest.” 

“You said that already,” Sehun says, and his stomach tenses, the muscles shifting on his abdomen. “Before, remember?

“Well, it seems like you need to hear it again,” Junmyeon says. “Will you always take so much breaking down?” 

Sehun huffs as Junmyeon draws his fingers in little teasing circles over the thickest part of his thigh. It tickles, sending lightning all through him. He wants to grab Junmyeon by the hand, he wants to take Junmyeon and pull him close, and he wants to grind against him until they both come. He wants so much more than just this simple touch. 

“I don’t know,” Sehun lies. 

Junmyeon makes a soft humming sound as he draws curling lines over the tops of Sehun’s legs, gingerly pushing them even further apart before settling between them. 

“I guess there will be time for reviewing later,” Junmyeon smiles, and that implication, the implication that there will be many more lessons to come, sets Sehun on fucking fire. Junmyeon gestures for the lube next to Sehun. “Come on.” 

Sehun grabs it, passes it to Sehun. 

“The trick to bottoming is relaxing,” Junmyeon says. “And having a good top.” 

“Are you a good top?” Sehun snorts. 

“You think you’re so fucking funny, don’t you?” He uncaps the lube, gets some on his fingers, and instead of going straight for Sehun’s ass, he starts playing with the tip of Sehun’s dick. He gasps, thrusts up into the slick touch, and Junmyeon smiles. “Not so funny now, are you?” 

“I thought I was… getting fingered,” Sehun says, barely able to get the words out, too flooded with embarrassment. 

“What did I just say?” Junmyeon says. “Relaxing.” 

Sehun doesn’t know how to tell him that receiving a torturously slow handjob from a man he has a massive crush on isn’t exactly the most _relaxing_ experience, but he shuts his eyes, and he tries to do as Junmyeon says.

“That’s good,” Junmyeon says. “Sometimes removing one of the senses, focusing on the touch and sound… that can be good.” 

“Okay,” Sehun says, chest heaving as Junmyeon circles his fingers around Sehun’s cock and slips them down the length. “Okay. Okay.” 

“How’s that?” 

“Good,” Sehun says, mouth wet. “Really good.” 

“Good,” Junmyeon says, and it’s a few moments more of slow, playful touching before he skims the wet pad of his finger across Sehun’s hole. Sehun’s eyes shoot open, and he moans sharply. “I said relaxing.” 

“You’re touching me in a place I’ve never been touched before,” Sehun argues. “How can I relax?” 

“We do this over and over again. We make it so it doesn’t feel any different than anything else. You’re used to this, just this.” He does the same motion over and over, just sort of… wetly rubbing across Sehun’s hole. He tenses every time, an unfamiliar shot of pleasure and fear zipping through him before, eventually, it doesn’t feel so electric anymore. It just feels nice. He sinks down into the bed, and Junmyeon moans before pressing a kiss to Sehun’s inner thigh. “That’s very good. You’re a natural.” 

Sehun screws his eyes shut, huffing out a laugh. “Shut up.” 

“I’m serious,” Junmyeon says, and he keeps rubbing at Sehun idly. “If I wasn’t such a fucking bottom, I would keep you like this forever. You have such a nice ass.” Sehun’s stomach turns over with arousal. “Don’t tense back up, we were just about to move on.” 

“Move where?”

“Just relax,” Junmyeon says, and then suddenly, the tip of his finger is pressing insistently against Sehun.

Fear lances through Sehun, quick and sharp. 

“H—I don’t think it’s gonna go in,” Sehun says, panicking. “I don’t think it will fit.” 

“Oh, please,” Junmyeon says. “Use your brain for a change.” 

“I’m serious,” Sehun says. “I think maybe it’s just my body. N-Not, uh, not made for something like this.” 

Junmyeon sighs, goes back to just the gentle rubbing, and Sehun relaxes back into that. Familiar already. 

“Your body is the same as anyone else’s,” Junmyeon says. “With the right mood, the right mentality, the right relaxation… it’s just a time game. How long will it take? You have to listen to their body, you have to pay attention to the signals they’re giving off. You have to make sure that everything is kosher before you try something new. And as soon as they give you a bad sign, you back off. Try it from the beginning.” 

Then, the tip of his finger… miraculously, it slips into Sehun’s body. 

“O-Oh,” Sehun says, “oh my God.” 

“There now,” Junmyeon sighs with satisfaction. “Only gets easier from there.” 

“I don’t know,” Sehun says. “I’m not sure.” 

“Are you listening to me at all?” 

“R-Right now?” 

“In general,” Junmyeon says. “I mean, like, about the relaxation. Going slow. Taking your time.” 

“Y-Yeah, I get it,” Sehun says. 

“Then remember that,” Junmyeon says, and he wiggles the tip of his finger inside Sehun. “Hello. How’s that?” 

“I-It feels weird.” 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon smiles. “You get used to it.” 

Sehun tries to focus on the sound of Junmyeon’s gentle encouragement, the small movements that increase as his body comes to familiarize Junmyeon’s finger, and before long, it is fully inside him, gliding in and out with ease. 

“See? Look at you,” Junmyeon says happily. “Taking that finger like a fucking champ.” 

“S-Shut up,” Sehun smiles, and he buries it into the pillow at his side. “T-Try another?” 

“You want more? Mr. _I don’t think it’s gonna fit_?” 

“I dunno,” Sehun says. “I think it might be able to go in.” 

“Let’s try then,” Junmyeon says, and he presses the tip of his second finger against Sehun’s hole. “Remember. Relax. Let it in.” 

Sehun breathes out, shutting his eyes, and as he sucks in air, Junmyeon pushes both fingers back into him. He moans sharply, eyes open. 

“How are we doing?” Junmyeon asks. “Back to one?” 

“N-No, I think… I think this is okay,” Sehun says. 

“Yeah?” 

“I think it’s okay,” Sehun repeats. 

“Good. Okay is good.” 

“Yeah,” Sehun says, trying to keep his breathing even. “Okay is good.” 

“Just let your body do what it’s supposed to do,” Junmyeon says. “No worries.”

“No worries.” 

As the seconds tick by, as he gets more and more comfortable with the pressure inside him, he understands why people do this. Why they let this happen to them. It becomes less about surviving from moment to moment and more about keeping himself calm.

"What's that?" Junmyeon asks, encouraging Sehun to raise his voice, stop burying all the sounds that bubble up inside his chest. "What are you trying to say?"

"J-Junmyeon," Sehun says sharply. "Stop."

"Stop?" Junmyeon stills his hand without another word. "Are you okay? What's wrong? Should I pull out?"

"N-No, no, just... stop taking it so easy on me," Sehun says. "I can take it."

"Boy, we sure gain confidence fast, don't we?" Junmyeon smiles, and he fucks Sehun on his two fingers with a bit more focus. "Just a couple minutes ago, I swear you said—"

"Shut up," Sehun says.

"Shut up?"

"Yeah, shut up," Sehun says. "Just... just touch me."

"Where?" Junmyeon asks, and he reaches forward with his free hand, circling it around the head of Sehun's cock, slipping it down slowly. "Here?"

"Yes," Sehun says. "Please."

"Does it feel good when I do it like this?" Junmyeon asks, and he pushes his fist up and down as he fucks his fingers in and out. "Does it make you want to come?"

"Yeah," Sehun says, and he screws his eyes shut. "Oh, fuck, _yeah_."

"Fuck yeah?"

"Yeah," Sehun says, the sounds leaking out of him as easily as the precome at the head of his cock. "God, yeah."

"You wanna feel what the prostate feels like now?" Junmyeon asks. "I think this is the perfect time."

Sehun's mouth is completely dry, so he licks his lip as he thinks. He doesn't know how it could get better than it already is—his lower half is spidering with hot pleasure, and he can barely control the flexing of his muscles, the moving of his hips. He's sure he looks completely desperate, eager and virginal, but God, he's never felt anything like this. Not even last night.

"Yeah," he finally says. "Please."

"Prepare yourself," Junmyeon says, and he squints, moving his fingers very deliberately as his fingers come to circle around the base of Sehun's cock.

And then, all of a sudden, Sehun has no time to prepare himself. He is in the midst of the most shocking pleasure he's ever experienced. It's like scratching an itch he's had all his life, tingling and ticklish as it dances over his skin. And that's just a fucking brush of Junmyeon's fingertips.

"What did I say?" Junmyeon says. "Did I oversell it?"

"I-If anything, you've undersold it," Sehun says, shivering.

Junmyeon grins, and it is completely devilish.

"Good boy," Junmyeon praises, and Sehun's cock leaps in Junmyeon's hand. "God, I really have to write that down. _Praise kink_."

He wants to tell Junmyeon to shut up, but the words are stolen from his mouth when Junmyeon starts to pet against the bundle of nerves in earnest, the heat boiling across Sehun's lower abdomen.

It is so fucking intense after only about a minute or so that Sehun begins to hurriedly slap at Junmyeon’s hand wrapped around the base of his dick. 

“What?” Junmyeon asks. “What’s wrong?” 

“I just… I think—”

“Hm?” 

“I think I might come,” Sehun says hurriedly, the feeling jolting through his body as he watches Junmyeon play with him. “Oh my god, I… I’m gonna come.” 

“You think?” Junmyeon asks. “So soon?” 

Sehun closes his eyes, the sound of Junmyeon’s voice too much. He can’t handle that plus all of the stimulation, plus the visuals, plus the overwhelming heat that threatens to drown him.   
It hits him like a brick fucking wall. His neck aches as he stretches back on the bed, back arching as the orgasm pours out of him, covers him. He moans, the sounds ratcheting up and up, so loud and uncontrollable. It feels primal and raw, peeled back and ravenous. He looks down at his abdomen, the come shooting up, and he squeezes his eyes shut so hard he sees white stars across the black as his hips work feverishly. 

It then occurs to him, the fog of pleasure lifting… Junmyeon wasn’t even jerking him off. He came like a fucking hailstorm, and Junmyeon wasn’t even milking it out of him. 

“F-Fuck,” Sehun whispers, staring down at the mess across his stomach. His eyes go to Junmyeon’s, wild. “Fuck.” 

“See?” Junmyeon says. “This is why tops are hard to come by.” He shakes his head. “What have I started? And after you gave it to me so good for your first time.” 

Sehun coughs out a laugh, caught between _gave it to me so good_ and _for your first time_. Just enough praise to keep him happy, just enough of a push to make him want to do better next time. 

“I’ll fuck you again,” Sehun says softly. “Next time. And I’ll do better.” 

“What a good boy,” Junmyeon says, and he pets along Sehun’s thigh. “I’ll look forward to it.” 

Sehun watches Junmyeon get up, head to the bathroom, and when he comes back, he’s carrying a wet washcloth. Gingerly, he lays at Sehun’s side, wiping his stomach clean before bringing it back to the bathroom. When he returns, he curls himself up along Sehun’s body, an arm thrown casually over Sehun’s waist. 

“I thought we were gonna… you know, sex,” Sehun says. 

“One step at a time,” Junmyeon says. 

“You haven’t even…,” Sehun starts, pointing down at Junmyeon’s erection before getting embarrassed, “I mean—”

“You want me to come?” Junmyeon asks. “That’s so sweet.” 

“I mean, only if you want.” 

Junmyeon shrugs. “Maybe later. I kinda like this action right now.” 

Sehun raises his brows before Junmyeon lowers his head to rest along Sehun’s chest. It’s against Junmyeon’s personal rules, _cuddling_ , so it twists him up in knots when Junmyeon sighs out, rubs his face against Sehun’s skin like he’s a fucking cat. 

Why is this so acceptable? Why is it okay when it’s Sehun? 

He doesn’t have the faculties to question it any further. In fact, he thinks all his faculties are dying on a washcloth in his bathroom.  
  


**·**

  
  
Sehun goes about his days wondering when the next time will be and what they’ll do. He’s not big enough to ask, not confident enough to instigate, so it is a week before Junmyeon corners him next. 

“How about a lesson?” Junmyeon asks with a sparkle in his eye. 

“Y-Yeah, sure,” Sehun says. 

“I’m showered,” Junmyeon says, shaking his head of wet hair as if to demonstrate. “All clean.” 

“Oh. That’s good.” 

“Yep,” Junmyeon says, and he leans in to press a soft kiss to Sehun’s lips. “What are you gonna do about it?” 

Sehun likes that little push, likes the way Junmyeon knows exactly what to say to spur him into motion. He takes Junmyeon by the hand, listening to the way he laughs as Sehun pulls him back into the bedroom, the door locked behind them. 

“What are you locking the door for?” Junmyeon asks, sitting on Sehun’s bed and kicking off his socks. “Afraid someone’s gonna come in?” 

Sehun chastises himself for such a silly thing, but he reminds himself that the most sexy thing you can be is confident. So he just has to find a bit of that. 

He goes to the bed, and he kneels down in front of Junmyeon. Junmyeon, for his part, looks completely taken aback. 

“What are you doing?” Junmyeon asks. 

Sehun swallows all of the other thoughts. “What does it look like?” 

“It looks like you’re gonna try and give me a blowjob,” Junmyeon says. 

“ _Try_ implies that I won’t succeed,” Sehun says, frowning. 

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Yes it does.” 

“Only if you don’t believe in yourself,” Junmyeon says. “Do you believe in yourself?” 

Sehun doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know how he failed so quickly and so massively at projecting confidence, but he figures he better right the ship before Junmyeon gets the wrong idea. Sehun grabs Junmyeon by the belt, and he swiftly begins unfastening it. 

“Wow, someone’s taking charge,” Junmyeon says. “You know what you’re doing?” 

“I’m gonna put your dick in my mouth,” Sehun says, and his face floods with warmth. 

“You’re so cute.” 

“I’m not cute,” Sehun argues, and he gently unzips Junmyeon’s pants, and he pats his legs. “Sit up.” 

Junmyeon lifts his hips on Sehun’s command, and he helps to pull Junmyeon from his pants and underwear in one swift motion. His cock lays between his legs, soft but growing, and Sehun takes it in his hand, giving it a gentle stroke. 

“You’ve never done it before, right?” Junmyeon asks, and Sehun shakes his head _no_. “Cool. This will be good.” He takes Sehun by the jaw, looking him dead in the eye. “Rule one. No biting.” 

“I wasn’t gonna bite,” Sehun says. 

“That’s what they all say,” Junmyeon says. 

“Have you gotten your dick bitten a lot?” 

“Not on purpose,” Junmyeon clarifies. “On accident.” He gestures to Sehun’s mouth. “Watch the teeth. That’s the point.” 

“Okay, I got it.” 

“Rule two,” Junmyeon says. “Take your time. No rush.” 

“Okay, I’m good,” Sehun says. “I can do it.” 

“I’m serious, you’ll hurt your jaw if you go overboard.” 

“I think I can handle it,” Sehun says, and he gives Junmyeon’s cock another stroke, noticing the way that it’s filled up in the time they’ve been speaking. “Huh.” 

“Huh what? You expect me to stay soft when you’re sitting there between my legs, a hand on my dick?” 

“I didn’t say anything,” Sehun says, but he is silently pleased, stroking up and down Junmyeon’s cock happily. 

He stays there for another couple seconds, just getting Junmyeon to full hardness, and it is a strange moment. It’s not like he’s _scared_ or anything, it’s just… it’s a new experience. 

“You just gonna jerk me off?” Junmyeon teases. “I’m good with a handjob.” 

“Shut up,” Sehun says. “I’m getting to it.” 

“Take your time.” 

Sehun sneers at Junmyeon above him, and with that, he decides he must give Junmyeon the best first blowjob of all time. He remembers what Junmyeon said about the teeth, about going slow, and at first, all he does is press a soft, chaste kiss to the tip. He looks into Junmyeon’s eyes, gives him another gentle kiss, and once he’s holding Junmyeon’s gaze, he opens the kiss, tonguing wetly at the head of Junmyeon’s cock. 

“T-That’s good,” Junmyeon says weakly, as if he’s trying to hold back, not show all his cards. 

In that moment, Sehun’s mission becomes making Junmyeon come in his mouth. Sehun’s mission becomes making Junmyeon lose control totally. 

He wraps a fist around the base of Junmyeon’s cock as he kisses Junmyeon’s cock until it’s slick, and once he’s done that, he slides it down the shaft with his fist. Junmyeon moans softly above him, and Sehun looks up to find his eyes shut, lashes long against the tops of his red cheeks. He colors so quickly. Sehun’s figured that out now. 

Sehun mouths over Junmyeon’s dick, mouths along the length, gets it nice and wet. Then, he decides it’s time to stop playing nice. He sucks the head into his mouth, and Junmyeon moans, a little cracked sound whispering out like he couldn’t stop it. 

Bolstered by that, Sehun lowers himself down and down as far as he can go comfortably, sheathing Junmyeon in his mouth. He pulls himself back up, stroking up with his hand as he moves. He saw it in a video once, thought it looked good, and now… now he’s putting that theory to the test. 

Immediately, Junmyeon’s hips kick, so Sehun repeats the action several more times, slow and steady as he sucks Junmyeon down and then lets him go, working him with his hand as he pulls back. He gets to a perfect rhythm in his head, and he closes his eyes, lets himself fall into the motions, focusing on maintaining pressure, suction, and he hums gently around Junmyeon’s dick, happy with his work. 

“Rule three,” Junmyeon says suddenly, and Sehun lets his mouth make a wet _pop_ as he withdraws, “don’t tease me.” 

“That’s not a rule,” Sehun argues, and he is mildly alarmed at how his voice sounds after just a minute or two. 

“It’s a rule with me.” 

“Then you want more?” 

“Yes,” Junmyeon says, and he brushes Sehun’s hair out of his eyes. “Gimme what you got, stud.” 

Sehun rolls his eyes, but he goes back down on Junmyeon, this time multiplying his efforts. He works in earnest, putting everything he’s got behind it. He moans in pleasure as the sensation of fullness works over him, as he daydreams about maybe doing this on his side, Junmyeon’s head between _his_ legs. Mutual pleasure… what’s better than that? 

“O-Oh, fuck,” Junmyeon says, and his hands come down to frame Sehun’s face as Sehun sucks him off. “Fuck, that’s good.” 

Sehun tightens his lips, tries to suck down a little further than before, but he gags, immediately pulls back based on instinct. 

Looking into Junmyeon’s eyes, a bit glassy, a bit dazed, Sehun realizes he has to try it again. He goes back down, and he takes as much as he can, trying his best to suppress the urge to cough. Distantly, he hears Junmyeon’s moan of praise, feels his fingers playing through Sehun’s hair, and when his nails scratch against Sehun’s scalp, he can’t hold it back anymore. He gags again, pulling back up wetly. He is amazed at just how much saliva he’s generated, and he jerks Junmyeon off quickly, staring at the shine, before Junmyeon takes him by the jaw. 

“I said slow, didn’t I?” Junmyeon says. 

“You didn’t like it?” Sehun asks. 

“That’s not the point.” 

“I’m not following,” Sehun says, and he moves his hand back over Junmyeon’s cock, up and down, up and down. 

“I _know_ ,” Junmyeon says. “You’re not listening.” 

“Are you close?” Sehun asks. 

Junmyeon spits out a laugh. “You think you’re so good, don’t you?” 

“Maybe I’ve got a natural talent for it.” He tilts his head to the side as he rolls his fingers slickly over the head of Junmyeon’s cock. “What do you think?” 

Junmyeon bites his lip as he stares at him, and he looks torn between annoyance and arousal. _Good_ , Sehun thinks. _That’s how I’ve been living since I met you._

He goes back to work, and as he kisses the tip, he imagines he is kissing Junmyeon’s mouth. Sehun lets himself imagine laying Junmyeon’s body down, covering it with his own, and thrusting into him. He moans softly as he remembers the frantic pleasure that welled within him, the dripping, dropping joy. 

Sehun wants to give Junmyeon the same type of satisfaction that Junmyeon’s given him. He hates to receive without giving in return, and as he clutches Junmyeon’s hips with his hands, taking as much into his throat as he can, he thinks this must be giving as good as he’s gotten. 

“S-Stop,” Junmyeon says, and he digs his nails into Sehun’s shoulder as Sehun pulls back slightly, breathing in sharply through his nose to moan around Junmyeon. “Okay, you did it, you got the hang of it, now stop.” 

“I don’t wanna stop,” Sehun says, and he mouths his way down Junmyeon’s cock, his own arousal heightened by the way Junmyeon shifts and moans in frustration, small cracks in his control. “I want to make you come.” 

Junmyeon huffs out a breath as Sehun begins to suck again, jaw aching a little as he begins to understand what Junmyeon meant. “That’s a good way to get a guy coming all over your face, you know.” 

Sehun’s stomach flares with heat, and he sucks harder, faster. He can’t say he ever dreamed too in-depth about this, but now that he’s here, it’s all he wants. All he wants is to make Junmyeon come. 

His knees start to hurt as he uses his right hand to touch what he can’t swallow, and he bobs his head to a quick rhythm, listening for Junmyeon’s increasingly more desperate sounds. He boils with heat, with fire, and it dances on his skin as he services Junmyeon as best he knows how. He begins to doubt his efforts when it takes a lot longer than he thought it would, but after another minute or two, Junmyeon’s hips start to move on their own, his body going tight. 

“I-I’m gonna come,” Junmyeon says softly. “I’m gonna come, Sehun, I—”

Sehun pulls off just in time, and he uses his hand to stroke Junmyeon through it. He comes over Sehun’s fist, moaning fiercely, stomach clenching and muscles rolling. Sehun stares at him, watches him intently, trying to remember each little detail. He thinks it might be the hottest thing he’s ever seen… Junmyeon is like that. Constantly raising the bar. 

“Holy shit,” Junmyeon says happily, and he flops back onto the bed. “Nice.” 

Sehun watches as Junmyeon’s chest fills and slowly unfills, fills and unfills. The speed gradually slows, and Sehun pats his free hand _not_ covered in come on Junmyeon’s thigh. 

“I’m glad you had fun.” 

Junmyeon sits up sharply with a glare. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Nothing,” Sehun says. “Just seems like you liked it. I’m glad.” 

“Listen, I haven’t gotten head in a while,” Junmyeon says. “Excuse me.” 

“You could just be nice,” Sehun says. “Be nice and say I did well.” 

“You did well.” Junmyeon flops back to the bed before gesturing weakly with his hand. “Go get a washcloth and then cuddle me.” 

Sehun rolls his eyes, but he goes and washes his hands, gets back to the bed. He curls up against Junmyeon, and he resists the urge to press a soft, sweet kiss to Junmyeon’s collarbone. Instead, he simply stares into Junmyeon’s eyes long enough to elicit a response. 

“What?”

“And?” 

“And what?” 

“And I dunno,” Sehun says. “I just gave my first blowjob. Give me advice. Give me a critique.” 

Junmyeon snorts. “You sucked all the advice right out of me.” 

“You’re very funny,” Sehun says, and he angles his hips against Junmyeon’s backside.

“Oh, hello,” Junmyeon says, and he grinds back against Sehun’s cock. “You’re awake, hm?” 

“You moaned a lot,” Sehun says. “It was hot.” 

“You’re gonna have to give me a minute before you use that thing,” Junmyeon says breathlessly. “You did very well. So well, in fact, that I think if you tried to hit my prostate, I would launch through the ceiling.” 

Sehun smiles. He doesn’t mind. Not one bit. He holds Junmyeon in his arms, listening to the storm of his breathing, and after he’s calmed, the gentle waves of his sleep.  
  


**·**

  
  
They do pretty much everything together over the next several weeks. Sehun doesn’t even have time to catch his breath. They experiment with different positions, from behind and with Junmyeon on top and all variants of everything, legs bending and subtle adjustments and shifting angles, but each and every time, Sehun’s fucking him. 

“What can I say?” Junmyeon says, batting at Sehun’s soft cock with his hand, the sweat still cooling on their skin. “I like it.” 

Sehun’s stomach floods with warmth. “I just meant… you know, if you wanted to—” 

“If I wanted to fuck you?” Junmyeon teases, and he pinches Sehun on the stomach. “If I wanted to get all up in there?” 

“Okay, okay,” Sehun says, and he swats Junmyeon’s hands away. “Forget I said anything.” 

“No, no, I want to.” 

“Offer rescinded.” 

“ _No_ ,” Junmyeon whines, and he rolls onto Sehun, pinning Sehun’s wrists above his head. “I’ll ravage you.” 

Sehun breathes in sharply, compromised. 

“Yeah?” 

Junmyeon lowers his mouth to Sehun’s, and just for a second or two, all they do is share oxygen. Then Junmyeon kisses him, and everything just seems to fall into place. Sehun moans softly against Junmyeon’s mouth, holding him by the back of the neck as they embrace. At first, he thinks maybe it’ll just stay like that, but Junmyeon reaches between their bodies, giving Sehun’s cock a couple weak pulls before smiling against his mouth. 

“R-Right now?” Sehun asks. 

“You seemed excited at the prospect,” Junmyeon says. 

“It’s not that, I—”

“So you’re _not_ excited,” Junmyeon says flatly, and he lets go of Sehun’s wrists, sitting up sharply. “Fine, fine, I know when my services aren’t wanted.” 

Sehun knows Junmyeon will take a joke to its natural end, walking out of the door, waiting for Sehun to pull him back in. He acts with fury, with fire, and he pulls Junmyeon back to his body, pulling him over his body like a blanket. 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he says quietly. 

“Okay,” Junmyeon says with a smile, and he lowers himself so slowly, mouth so close to Sehun’s he can feel their breath mixing. “So you want it?” 

“Yeah,” Sehun whispers. “I want it.” 

He can still feel Junmyeon’s smile by the time they kiss, and it feels different than every other time. Every other time, he had an idea of what would go down. Not that he doesn’t know _exactly_ what will happen, but… but it’s just that he doesn’t know if he’s physically capable of it. He took Junmyeon’s fingers, of course. But his dick? It seems extreme. 

“Oh my God, you’re so cute,” Junmyeon says, and he lays Sehun down onto the pillows like he’s dressed in white, stroking his fingers along the side of Sehun’s face. “The cutest.” 

“No,” Sehun says, and he slaps a hand over his face to hide his eyes. “No, no.” 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says. “Super cute.” 

“No.” He uncovers his eyes for a moment. “No.” He slaps his hand back into place. 

“If you’re serious about bottoming, should we talk about enemas?” Junmyeon asks. 

“Oh my God,” Sehun says, and he launches himself out of the bed towards the bathroom. “Leave me alone. I’ll handle it.” 

“Yeah? Have you researched this a lot on the internet?” Junmyeon wonders. 

“If you talk to me through the door, I swear to God, I’ll just use a dildo.” 

A smile spreads across Junmyeon’s face. 

“You have one of those?” 

Sehun’s face colors, and he groans as he closes the bathroom door behind him, heart hammering in his chest.  
  


**·**

  
  
He hesitates before he goes back out into the bedroom, the embarrassment coating him with a thin film of grease. Even with that film, his stomach turns over on itself with anticipation and arousal. Hand on the doorknob, he supposes this is the last real step of his virginity. They’ve done pretty much everything _basic_. This is it. 

He turns the handle, and he walks out. Junmyeon is there on the bed, naked, hands on his stomach. He smiles at Sehun. 

“Ready?” he asks. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Sehun says. 

“Don’t say that,” Junmyeon says. “You haven’t gotten prepped by me yet.” 

Sehun walks to the bed, and he lies down next to Junmyeon. “Haven’t I?” 

Junmyeon scoffs. “That was not prepping. That was massage.” 

“Is there much of a difference?” Sehun asks. 

Junmyeon rolls onto his side to face Sehun, and for a moment, they hold eye contact. He could lose himself in moments like this, when he’s able to forget that this is just some way to pass the time, when it’s an agreement they came to at the end of an orgasm. When Junmyeon looks in his eyes, Sehun can see something a little more real, a little less contrived. In the thick of moments like this, Sehun can imagine this is just who they are. Together. In love. Sharing the same breath because they want to. 

“A little different,” Junmyeon says softly. “You still wanna try?” 

“Yeah,” Sehun says, and his addendum, his _because I like you so fucking much_... he swallows that. 

Junmyeon covers Sehun, or he tries his best. Sehun is bigger than him, and Junmyeon can’t possibly stretch all the way. Still, it feels like he’s being swallowed up by the warmth of Junmyeon’s body. The kiss they share is intense, and Sehun squeezes his eyes shut, breath coming harder and faster. He’s so worked up over a simple kiss, just Junmyeon over him, their bodies joining in a tight line. 

Junmyeon slips down Sehun’s body, and Sehun has a chance to get some air as Junmyeon presses kisses to his chest, his stomach, the lowest parts of his abdomen. His cock is hard, and as it flexes unbidden, it bumps up against Junmyeon’s chest. Sehun moans brokenly at the feeling, hard muscle against his dick, and he looks down, Junmyeon’s hands on the swell of his thighs. 

“Make some room for me,” Junmyeon smiles, and he sucks a kiss to Sehun’s skin. 

Sehun opens his legs, and Junmyeon kisses further up Sehun’s thighs, and for a tense couple seconds, Sehun thinks Junmyeon is about to keep going, kissing and kissing and then… but _no_ , he thinks, _thank God._ Instead, he reaches to his side, and he grabs the lube from the bed, coating his fingers. 

“You remember everything I told you, right?” Junmyeon says, and he presses the pads of his fingers against Sehun’s hole. 

It is not a familiar sensation by any means, but he has done it before, he reminds himself. He can do it again. He relaxes himself into it, and Junmyeon gives his cock a couple strokes as he warms him up. The blood flows south easily, and Sehun closes his eyes, breathes deeply as Junmyeon pushes the tip of his finger inside. 

“You’re good,” Junmyeon says softly. “Natural born bottom.” 

Sehun coughs out a laugh, squeezing down on Junmyeon’s fingertip. It feels strange, and so he relents. 

“How are you feeling?” Junmyeon asks, and he gingerly presses the finger deeper inside Sehun’s body. “Does it hurt at all?” 

“No,” Sehun says. “No, it’s okay.” 

“Open your eyes.” 

Sehun opens his eyes to find Junmyeon sitting up, staring at him. He smiles, soft and sweet, and Sehun’s eyes water. He looks so… so fond. So affectionate. _Any other circumstances_ , he thinks. _I want him to look at me like that in any other circumstance._

“Okay?” Junmyeon asks. 

“Yeah,” Sehun says. “Okay.” 

“Good.” He thrusts the finger deeper inside Sehun until it’s all the way inside, and then he smiles at Sehun. “Look at you. You take it well.” 

The praise zips through him like lightning, and he tenses up, a ball of warmth billowing inside him. He lets it unfurl, spill through his veins, and his throat aches as he holds onto a moan. 

“You really like that,” Junmyeon says, and he withdraws the finger, pushes it back inside, fucks Sehun with it slowly. “You like it when you hear that you’re good?” 

“I-I guess,” Sehun says, but his subconscious gives a different impression. 

His body doesn’t guess. His body _knows_. His cock pearls with precome, back arching. He likes it very much. He wants more of it. 

“Some parts of you are honest, huh,” Junmyeon says, and he reaches up, smears the slick around the head of Sehun’s cock easily. 

Sehun throws back his head, bites his lip to stop the sound from erupting out of him. Every inch of him is burning. He thinks if they wait any longer, if he is forced to just lie there and take it anymore, he might just burst into flames. 

“J-Junmyeon,” he says, and the room spins around him. 

“What?” 

“I… I dunno,” Sehun says, and he looks down his body, looks at the muscles flexing in his abdomen as Junmyeon fucks him on one finger. “J-Just please… hurry.” 

“Hurry? Have you forgotten the whole point of this?” Junmyeon asks. “I’m teaching, aren’t I? I’m giving instructions on how to bottom?”

“I guess,” Sehun says, fruitless. 

“Then just keep quiet and let your experienced top take care of the prep,” Junmyeon says. Sehun is about to argue, but Junmyeon crooks his finger to stroke along Sehun’s prostate, absolutely fucking evil. “There. Don’t say shit.” 

Sehun squeezes his eyes shut, and he commits himself to the torturous enjoyment, the feeling of being stretched open. It takes longer than they ever spent on Junmyeon’s prep, and Sehun chalks that up to Junmyeon’s experience. He is amazed at the way he stays completely hard, even when Junmyeon pushes a third finger into him, fucking him on it easily. He huffs with every push, every thrust, and as time ticks on, he goes tight with the thought of Junmyeon pushing, thrusting inside of him. Not with fingers, but with his dick. 

He moans. 

“Okay,” Junmyeon says cautiously, and he pets down the side of Sehun’s thigh. “How do you feel?” 

And Sehun knows what that means. It’s nearly time. 

“I-I feel good,” he says. 

“Don’t lie,” Junmyeon says. “If it hurts now, it’ll only hurt worse.” 

“N-No, no, it feels good,” Sehun says, and he knows it probably sounds bad, speaking through gritted teeth. _But it’s not from pain_ , he wants to say. _It’s only from pleasure._

“You wanna try, then?” Junmyeon asks, and his fingers slip out of Sehun’s body. 

“Yeah,” Sehun says. 

Then, for a glorious moment that they stretch thin between them, Sehun is able to forget that this is just some deal between them. He’s able to pretend that this is just what they do, who they are. He’s able to tell himself that this means more than just sex. That this is Junmyeon showing him how much he cares. 

Junmyeon gets onto his knees, rolls the condom on, and slicks himself with lube. He adds more to Sehun’s skin, idly thrusting it inside with two fingers. Sehun shudders, moans, and Junmyeon smiles down at him. 

“Just try and relax, okay?” Junmyeon says, and he wipes his hand on Sehun’s sheet before taking him by the thighs. “I know you probably won’t be able to, but… but do your best.” 

“Okay,” Sehun says, and he sucks in a deep breath. “I’ll try.” 

“That’s my boy,” Junmyeon smiles, and the next thing Sehun knows, Junmyeon’s cock is pressing against his hole. “Remember what I said.” 

Sehun closes his eyes in an attempt to obey, to relax, to coax himself into controlled stillness, but when Junmyeon pushes in, his eyes spring open, his stomach churning with worry. It won’t fit, he doesn’t think. 

“It’s okay,” Junmyeon assures him, and he strokes along Sehun’s oblique like he’s gentling a horse. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t worry. Just breathe.” 

“Okay,” Sehun says hurriedly. “Okay, just breathe.” 

“That’s it,” Junmyeon says, and he encourages Sehun with a hand on his hip. “Just breathe.” 

Sehun breathes in, breathes out, and repeats the process over and over again. He closes his eyes, focusing on the feeling of being touched by Junmyeon, and after a moment passes, he thinks to himself that it really doesn’t feel all that different or worse than Junmyeon’s fingers. He can feel as his body unwinds, spirals out, unspooling, and Junmyeon must be able to feel it too, judging by the way he smiles. 

“Good boy,” Junmyeon praises, and Sehun’s dick jumps along his belly. “You’re so fucking cute, it’s sick.” 

Sehun’s stomach floods with heat, and he feels a smile creep onto his face. 

“Can I put more in?” Junmyeon asks. 

“M-More?” Sehun asks. 

“Well, I only have the tip inside you,” Junmyeon says. 

“W-What?” 

“You can’t feel it?” Junmyeon asks, astonished.

“It’s all kinda numb,” Sehun says. 

“Should I pull out?” 

“N-No, no,” Sehun says. “Just like… you know when you jerk off too many times in a row?” 

“You’ve had that experience a lot, huh?” Junmyeon teases. 

“Shut up, nevermind.” 

“I understand,” Junmyeon says, and then all of a sudden, he is pushing forward, filling Sehun to the fucking brim. “There. How’s that?” 

“H-Holy shit,” Sehun says, breathing coming hard and fast, “is that it?” 

“Don’t say it like that,” Junmyeon says. “It sounds bad.” 

“You’re big,” Sehun says, “you’re too big.” 

“I’m flattered,” Junmyeon says, “but in truth, I am smaller than your average dildo.” 

Sehun can’t imagine anything bigger fitting inside him, amazed that even… _God_ , he thinks, _Junmyeon is inside him._ His eyes well with tears as Junmyeon stares down at him, concern written plainly across his face. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks. “Does it hurt?” 

“No,” Sehun says, and he sniffs wetly. “No, it’s okay. It feels… it feels okay. Feels—”

“A little weird at first, right?” Junmyeon asks, and he smiles down at Sehun, charming and sweet. “Wait until I pull out.” He huffs. “God, you’re tight. Let’s give it a minute or two, okay? Let you get adjusted to the feeling.” 

“Okay,” Sehun says, and then quickly, “could we kiss?” 

Junmyeon lays his body on Sehun’s, and he kisses him with a passion that makes Sehun dream, fantasize. He lets Junmyeon lick into his mouth, and he is _covered_ , covered with Junmyeon. Every little piece of him is shielded. He is warm, so warm. And God, he doesn’t think he’s ever been more in love. 

Junmyeon pulls back, resting his forehead against Sehun’s as he looks into his eyes. 

“Ready?” 

“No?” Sehun says weakly. 

“Ah, trust in me,” Junmyeon says, and he knocks his head against Sehun’s before kissing him on the lips sweetly. “You’re ready.” 

He pushes himself up, slipping out of Sehun’s body before he will inevitably push back in, and _oh my God_ , Sehun thinks, _something terrible is happening._

“Wait, wait, wait,” Sehun says, and he grabs Junmyeon by the hand. 

“What? Hurts?”

“No, I think… I think something’s gonna happen,” Sehun says frantically. “Let me go to the bathroom real quick.” 

“Nothing’s happening,” Junmyeon promises. “I swear to God, you’re fine.” 

“It feels like—” 

“ _Babe_ ,” Junmyeon says, and that alone pulls Sehun from his spiral. “Listen to me, okay?” Sehun nods. “You’re used to things coming out, you know? One thing in particular. So it’s okay. You only know that feeling. Don’t worry. It will pass.”

“O-Okay,” Sehun says, and he breathes out. “Okay.” 

“Can I come in again?” Junmyeon asks. “Or do you really want me to let you go?” 

_Never let me go_ , Sehun thinks. 

“You can,” Sehun says. 

“Okay,” Junmyeon says. “No more panicking.” 

“I’ll try to keep it at bay,” Sehun says drily, but all the words, they’re just punched right the fuck out of him when Junmyeon bottoms out inside him. “F-Fuck.” 

“Full?” 

“Yeah,” Sehun says, “I-I can feel it in my throat.” 

Junmyeon stares down at Sehun, and the look on his face, Sehun could only begin to describe it as _hungry_. He covers Sehun with his body once more, and he kisses Sehun hard, fast, eager. Sehun’s cock rubs against the hard muscle of Junmyeon’s abdomen, and he whimpers into Junmyeon’s mouth. 

“That’s fucking hot,” he whispers. “You’re kind of good at dirty talk, did you know that?”

His whole body is drenched in red hot shame, and he looks off to the side as Junmyeon bores down into him. 

“S-Shut up,” Sehun says. 

“If you had an ounce more honesty, I think you could get me off with just… just whatever you were thinking,” Junmyeon says. 

Sehun shuts his eyes and sees those same glimmering yellow-white stars, and they dance along the black expanse. He feels Junmyeon draw back out, push back in, and a sound of pleasure escapes him. Easy as anything. 

“Does that feel good?” Junmyeon asks, and Sehun has to open his eyes just to look at him, watch him, observe him in all things. 

He is so fucking beautiful Sehun almost can’t stand it. Looking at him is like looking at the sun. He feels blinded by him. 

“Yeah,” Sehun whispers helplessly. “Feels so good.” 

“Does it?” Junmyeon smiles. “It feels good when I fuck you?” 

Sehun moans softly, hearing those words and feeling them draped over his skin. He reaches up, takes Junmyeon’s shoulders, and he pulls him down, pulls him back into a kiss. Junmyeon doesn’t stop the gentle movement of his hips, and Sehun is grateful, all but crying his thanks into the embrace. 

The rhythm goes from grindingly slow to measured, still patient and kind, but no longer so tense. Sehun relaxes into Junmyeon, relaxes as Junmyeon lowers himself completely to the bed, arms wrapped around Sehun’s back as he fucks him. He moans brokenly as he hitches his legs back further, giving Junmyeon as much room as he needs. 

The feeling is like nothing he’s ever experienced before, like nothing in the world, and he could cry with the way the pleasure pools in his belly. He buries the sounds of joy into Junmyeon’s shoulder, the force of their bodies rocking the bed against the wall. Sehun is wet with the heat, the arousal, the unstated affection and trust, and as Junmyeon fucks him, he feels more tears jump to the corners of his eyes. 

“Does it feel good?” Junmyeon asks. 

“Yes,” Sehun says, and he crosses his legs around Junmyeon’s back, ankles resting on the small of his back. “Yeah, I…” 

“What do you want?” Junmyeon asks, and he kisses Sehun on the soft part of his neck, wet, with his teeth. 

“More,” Sehun pleads. “Please, more.” 

“Yeah?” 

He can be himself here. He can be totally himself. He doesn’t have to be scared. He doesn’t have to be afraid. He can let himself go. He can ask for what he wants. 

“Yes,” he says, and his face colors. “Yes, please.” 

Junmyeon doubles up the rhythm, and more desperate sounds are pushed from Sehun’s chest with every thrust. His core tightens with every passing moment, a ball of nerves trembling with joy, and it takes him by surprise when he is just a second or two away from coming. He’s never felt anything like this. He’s never felt so… so _cared for_.

“Do you want to come?” Junmyeon asks. 

“Y-Yes, please,” Sehun whines. “Please, I wanna come.” 

“Come then,” Junmyeon says, and he jerks Sehun off with a wicked twist in his wrist. 

He’s made of flesh and blood, and there’s only so much that he can take. He cries out, loud and unashamed, and he streaks himself with white as Junmyeon fucks him. Junmyeon makes a broken sound of desire, sliced cleanly in half before he pulls out, strips himself of the condom, and comes over Sehun’s body. Sehun whines as the warmth paints him, and he feels himself twitch mightily, the last of his orgasm being wrung out of him. 

The quiet envelops them, and Junmyeon sighs against his shoulder. 

“Tired?” Junmyeon asks. Sehun nods softly, eyes fluttering closed. “Sleep, then. I’ll clean you up.” 

Sehun takes him at his word, and he lets Junmyeon do all the work. When he dreams, he dreams of their bodies, of gentle words of love.  
  


**·**

  
  
After that, things seem to get… funny. Sehun always kinda knew it wouldn’t be so simple as Junmyeon just teaching him the ropes of the basics. He always knew that things would get more complicated. Deeper. Kinkier, he supposes. 

They are lying in bed after a riveting session, Sehun cleaning Junmyeon with a washcloth and pulling his underwear back on. He wonders when he will have to draw things to an end. He never wants it to stop, but… but at a certain point, he thinks he’ll need to. For his own sake. 

“If we’re doing more than just like, basic stuff,” Junmyeon says, “we should start looking for inspiration.” 

_Someday it will have to end_ , he tells himself. _Just not today._

“Don’t you have some idea of what you want to do?” Sehun asks, and he stands, depositing the washcloth in the bathroom before slipping into a pair of his briefs. 

“Well, I know what _I_ wanna do to you, but do you know what _you_ wanna try?” 

Sehun searches his memories. There are some things, but he doesn’t think he’s confident enough to say them, let alone think them. He sits down, stares at Junmyeon. A silent plea for help. 

“My point exactly,” Junmyeon says smugly, and he pushes Sehun back by the shoulders. “Lie down. We’re gonna watch some porn together.” 

“W-What? Why?” 

“Inspiration,” Junmyeon says. “I have a twitter where I save a bunch of crazy shit.” 

Junmyeon lies next to Sehun, their bodies so close and warm. 

“You have a twitter for porn?” Sehun asks, snuggling his head against Junmyeon’s. 

“Of course,” Junmyeon says. “I mean, what am I supposed to do if I don’t pick up?” 

“Go to bed?” Sehun suggests. 

“Do you really not masturbate that much?” 

Sehun shrugs. “I do sometimes.” 

“I jerk off every night,” Junmyeon says. 

“Wait, really?” Sehun asks. 

“Yeah, of course,” Junmyeon says, and he navigates through his twitter application to the _switch accounts_ area. “Now, don’t look at my information, okay?”

“Do you post stuff on there?” Sehun asks, stomach going tight and hot with arousal at the thought. 

“No, what are you, crazy?” Junmyeon snorts. “But I retweet videos I like, pictures I think look nice. You wanna look through some?” 

“Look through the porn?” 

“I mean, yeah,” Junmyeon says. “What are you, scared?” 

It feels a little more intimate than Junmyeon is leading on, but Sehun curls up on his side as Junmyeon clicks onto his profile, hurriedly skimming down so that he can get to the pictures. And at first, that’s all it is… artfully shot pictures of men’s bodies, sculpted with muscle and shadow. Sehun swallows as Junmyeon swipes down, letting Sehun’s eyes wander over the abdomens, the legs and thighs… they get progressively more filthy as they go. 

“What do you think?” Junmyeon asks, and he pauses on the picture of a man on a bed facing away from the camera. He’s kneeling at the edge of the bed, ass raised high like he’s presenting himself to be mounted. He’s got a plug in, and at the end of the plug, there’s a small white puff. _A bunny tail._ “Do you think it’s pretty?” 

“Yeah,” Sehun says, his mouth suddenly very dry. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Sehun says, and he looks at Junmyeon, but Junmyeon is still staring at the picture, so he looks back to it so as to not ruin whatever they’re doing right now. “Yeah, I think that would be pretty.” 

“Okay, well, I’ll remember that for later,” Junmyeon says, and he pauses over an auto-playing video. “Oh. This is one of my favorites.” He looks over at Sehun. “Ready?” 

“Yeah.” 

Junmyeon presses play on the video as it fills his screen, and very suddenly, the bedroom is filled with the sounds of sex. The video is taken from the perspective of the top, legs spread as the bottom rides him. His ass is on display, perky and round as the bottom arches his back and moans, rocking back on the dick inside him. The sounds immediately fill Sehun with warmth, and he squirms beside Junmyeon as he watches the bottom fuck himself on the top’s cock until the top pushes the bottom off, fisting his cock until he comes all over the bottom’s ass. 

Gingerly, the top curses as he rubs the come into the bottom’s skin, slipping two wet fingers inside the bottom’s hole so that he can continue to fuck himself. The video shuts off just as the bottom groans, throwing his head back, and Sehun looks over, finds Junmyeon watching him instead of the video. 

“Did you like that?” Junmyeon asks. 

“I always knew I liked porn,” Sehun says. 

“But did you like that position?” Junmyeon asks. “Did you like the comeplay? Did you think it was hot?” Junmyeon looks down Sehun’s body, and before Sehun can cover himself up, Junmyeon spots Sehun’s erection in his underwear. “Seems like someone liked it.” 

“What else is there?” Sehun asks. “Anything… anything a bit more hardcore?” 

“Oh, _hardcore_?” Junmyeon asks, raising his brows. “Mr. Purity? You think you’re ready for hardcore?” 

“W-Well, how hardcore is hardcore?” 

“You into fisting?” 

“Oh, I think maybe mediumcore is more my speed,” Sehun suggests, and Junmyeon laughs, tugging him into a kiss. 

“Okay,” Junmyeon says, mouth red when they’re finished. “Mediumcore.” He scrolls through his page quickly before making a soft sound of satisfaction, pausing for a new video. “Here. Have you ever thought about bondage?” 

“W-Well, I’ve thought about it, I guess,” Sehun says. 

“What are your thoughts?” 

“I don’t know,” Sehun says. “I’ve only ever thought about it in terms of, like, other people.” 

“Here,” Junmyeon says, and he taps the video, letting the sound of the tortured submissive cry out over them. “What do you think?” 

Sehun’s eyes are glued to the red rope that fastens the submissive’s thighs to his calves, legs pulled open as someone gently slides a slick fist over his hard cock. The submissive is gagged, and every time he moans, spit drips down his chin, down the sides of his face as he lies there. It’s not normally… it isn’t something that Sehun would normally say he’s interested in, but God, the submissive moans like he has never felt better. He twists and arches his back as if he’s drowning in the pleasure. As far as Sehun can tell, the only stimulation he’s getting is a really slow handjob. Does it really feel that good? 

If nothing else, it makes Sehun curious. 

Then, everything changes. 

The dominant, the… the one in charge, Sehun doesn’t know what to call him, he grabs something from out of frame, and when he comes back, the submissive immediately starts wiggling, squirming like he either can’t wait or wants to get away. 

The dominant spreads a thin white material over the head of the submissive’s cock, and slowly, slowly, he starts to pull it back and forth. The sounds that the submissive makes are feral, guttural and sharp. He grunts and groans, makes the most furiously desperate sounds Sehun’s ever heard a person make, and then, right at the end, he starts speaking around the gag. 

“I’m gonna _come_ ,” he says, words muffled as he bites down on the ball, both eager and afraid, “I’m gonna _come_.” 

His hips start moving on his own, stomach caving in as he gasps for breath, and just as Sehun thinks he’s about to see the most powerful orgasm he’s ever seen, the dominant removes the touch, leaves him there twitching, drooling over his cock as he begs for release. 

“It’s called polishing,” Junmyeon informs him, almost as if he’s reading Sehun’s mind. “It’s really popular.” 

“What do they do it with?” 

“Gauze and lube,” Junmyeon says, and he looks over at Sehun, studying the heat on his cheeks, the way his mouth has fallen open. “You like that one, huh?” 

“I-I guess,” Sehun says, and Junmyeon casts the phone aside, smiling at Sehun. “What?” 

“I like when you find something you like,” Junmyeon says, and he slides a hand down Sehun’s chest, down to circle at his lower abdomen. “I think it’s really hot.” 

Sehun huffs out a laugh, looking away. “Why?” 

“Because you end up like this,” Junmyeon says, and he leans up to look into Sehun’s eyes, making him hold the contact as long as he can. Like a _challenge_. “Shy. Blushing. Hard as fuck and not knowing what to do about it.” 

“I’m not _blushing_ ,” Sehun says, but Junmyeon smiles, brushing his fingers along Sehun’s cheek. “It’s just hot in here.” 

“Pull your underwear down,” Junmyeon whispers, and he kisses Sehun softly, tenderly. 

Sehun obeys, pulling the band of his boxer-briefs down underneath his balls, vaguely embarrassed by the way the front of his underwear was dripping wet. He screws his eyes shut tight as Junmyeon kisses him with a little more hunger, a little more lust. Junmyeon slides his fist down over Sehun’s erection, and Sehun gasps into Junmyeon’s mouth. 

“You liked it more than you let on, didn’t you?” Junmyeon whispers, the words vibrating over Sehun’s lips. “Tell me.” 

“Y—I don’t know,” Sehun says, and he pushes his hips up so that he can grind his cock against Junmyeon’s hand. “Maybe.” 

“What’d you like about it?” Junmyeon asks, and he doesn’t break his gaze as he reaches down, fingers light and teasing along Sehun’s balls before moving upwards again. His fingers dance along the shaft, making Sehun gasp as he stares into Junmyeon’s amused eyes. “Well?” 

“I-I dunno,” Sehun says. “It looked… it looked like it felt good.” 

“So you wanna be the one getting tortured?” Junmyeon asks, and his fist slides over Sehun’s cock slowly. “You want me to control you?” 

Sehun moans as Junmyeon kisses him, licking into his mouth like he wants to taste the answer. _Yes, yes, yes._

“Yeah,” Sehun whispers as the kiss breaks, and he puts his forehead against Junmyeon’s eyes squeezing shut as Junmyeon touches him. “Yeah, I want that.” 

“How about the inverse?” Junmyeon wonders, and Sehun is forced to open his eyes to watch the way Junmyeon pushes himself onto Sehun, slithering down his body. “Would you like to see that?” 

Sehun’s mind immediately leaps to the red rope along Junmyeon’s skin, the various ways he could be tied up. He imagines the sounds he would make. Imagines all the blustering bravado falling away. What would honest to God _need_ sound like coming from his throat? What would it sound like if he thought he needed to beg just to get off? What kind of things would he say? Would he look as delicious as Sehun thinks he might, teetering on the edge of an endless pleasure? 

Hair messy? Skin wet? Mouth filthy? 

“Tell me,” Junmyeon says. “Tell me you want to do that to me.” 

“I want to,” Sehun whispers, and Junmyeon sinks down Sehun’s body, mouth idly kissing at the head of Sehun’s cock. “Junmyeon, please, I—” 

“I know,” Junmyeon whispers, and his lips are so red as they part around the tip, tongue curling along it. “I know, I’ll give it to you.”  
  


**·**

  
  
It’s a few days later before Junmyeon acts, and that gives Sehun plenty of time to study. Junmyeon, for his part, shows him a website where he can practice because as he says, “Practice makes prostate orgasming easier.” Sehun’s never heard that expression before but he can see the truth in it. In the evenings when they’re just watching reruns of _The Good Place_ , Sehun ties, unties, and reties the same three fixture knots, not entirely sure when he’ll need them. 

He needs them on Friday night, when he walks out of his bathroom to find Junmyeon naked and prepared for sex, and Sehun honestly… it’s kind of crazy how fast they’ve moved from basic techniques to kink. He can’t even believe they’re still doing this. Still _experimenting._

How much longer could it possibly last?

“What do you think?” Junmyeon asks, gesturing with the ropes. 

“Um, I don’t really know about all this,” Sehun says. “I mean… I mean it looks nice in the videos.” 

“And in reality?” 

“In reality, it scares me a little bit more if I’m totally honest.” 

“I want you to be honest,” Junmyeon says. And he nods towards the bed, so Sehun sits down, hands on his lap. “Look at you. Posture and everything. Is it just because you’re nervous?” 

“No,” Sehun says. 

“You’re not nervous,” Junmyeon says, tilting his head to the side. 

“No,” Sehun says. “I just think… I think it might awaken something in me.” 

“You think?” Junmyeon smiles. 

“Yeah,” Sehun says. “Think it might… you know, trigger something.” 

Junmyeon lifts himself easily into Sehun’s lap, grinning at him as he straddles him wordlessly. He kisses Sehun easily, the tips of his fingers and the fibers of the rope brushing against the sensitive skin at the back of his neck. Sehun shivers in Junmyeon’s embrace. 

“And turn you into a raging dom?” 

“I don’t think I could ever be _raging_ anything,” Sehun whispers, and he presses a kiss to Junmyeon’s cheek as he lifts his chin, letting Sehun’s mouth glide down over the soft part of his throat. “I think I just want you.” 

“You’re horny,” Junmyeon whispers. 

“Yeah,” Sehun says, thinks _probably just for you._

“Tie me up,” Junmyeon says. “Take me and use me.” 

Sehun’s stomach twists as he grabs for the ropes. Junmyeon turns his back to Sehun, his wrists crossed behind his back, and Sehun easily replicates the binding that he’s been studying. It shocks him, honestly, the way he just naturally does what he’s seen, easily fastening Junmyeon’s wrists together behind his back. 

“Test it,” Sehun commands, and immediately, Junmyeon pulls at the ropes. 

His hands aren’t able to move and as Sehun looks around Junmyeon’s body, he watches as Junmyeon’s cock twitches with interest. 

“On your side,” Sehun says, and Junmyeon moans softly as he manages to obey Sehun’s command, helpless like a damsel in distress. Sehun quickly grabs Junmyeon’s ankles, fastens them much the same way, and Junmyeon groans as the rope rasps against his soft skin. “Does that feel too tight?” 

“No,” Junmyeon says. “I-It’s okay.” 

“Okay,” Sehun says. 

Once he’s finished, he steps back and stares, overwhelmed with the image that he’s created. Junmyeon is lying on his side, wrists bound behind his back, ankles bound as he bends his knees. The only thing he’s missing is a tape gag, and he would look like he’d been kidnapped or something. 

Junmyeon tilts his head to the side to look at Sehun, and his lids are heavy, lips pink. 

“Are you going to fuck me?” he asks softly, and Sehun looks at the backs of his thighs, the shine of lubricant still bright along his skin. 

“I think you should ask nicely for it,” Sehun whispers, and he gets on the bed behind the curve of Junmyeon’s body, gently pressing his hard cock against Junmyeon’s hands. “Touch it.” 

It is an absurd angle, and Junmyeon moans softly as he wraps a blind hand around Sehun’s cock. It’s nothing like the skilled, practiced motions he normally utilizes. It is clumsy, inexperienced, and full of lust. Junmyeon touches him like he’s a fucking virgin, and Sehun’s body thrums with heat. 

He understands why people do this now. He gets it. The power that courses through him, it’s a brand new feeling and completely addictive. 

Sehun thrusts into Junmyeon’s cupped hands, not because it feels better than being inside Junmyeon, but because in his mind, it sets the scene a little bit better. It gives them a little starting point from which to imagine. 

How did they get here? Why is Junmyeon being held like this? Is he scared of how hot it makes him? 

Sehun reaches around Junmyeon’s body, and he finds Junmyeon so hard that he’s leaking at the tip. He smears that with his fingers, drawing a sound of desperation from Junmyeon’s lips. 

“Please,” Junmyeon says, and God, he has never looked more beautiful. “Please, Sehun.” 

“Please what?” Sehun asks. 

Staring down at him from this angle, all the ropes tangled against his skin, the way his mouth hangs open on a groan… Sehun finds his confidence somewhere between this thought and the next. He loves Junmyeon, and at the very least, Junmyeon has chosen him for this. Junmyeon trusts him enough to show this side of himself to Sehun. 

“Please fuck me,” Junmyeon says wetly. “Please, I need it.” 

“You _need it_?” 

Junmyeon whimpers, and he tries to tighten his grip around Sehun’s cock as he touches him, ungainly and unfamiliar. 

“I need it,” he whispers frantically. “I want it so bad.” 

“Why?” Sehun prods him, and he pulls himself out of Junmyeon’s hands before lying himself down at Junmyeon’s back. He slips along the lube on Junmyeon’s ass, grinding himself against the swell. “Tell me why you need it.” 

“I’m a slut,” Junmyeon says brokenly, almost like the words were torn from his chest. “I’m a dirty _slut_.” 

Concern sits heavily at the bottom of Sehun’s stomach, so he sits up slightly, takes Junmyeon by the jaw, and looks him in the eye. 

“Hey,” he says softly, hand slipping down to hold him gently by the neck. “You okay?” 

“No, no,” Junmyeon says, blinking wetly like he’s coming back to the surface or something. “I mean, yes, I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure?” Sehun asks. 

“It’s part of it,” Junmyeon assures him. “Y-You could even say that kind of thing.” 

“About you?” 

“It’s for fun,” Junmyeon says. “I know you don’t mean it.” 

Sehun bites his lip. He doesn’t know if this is the best time to experiment with something like that. Junmyeon once said you sometimes don’t know a line until you’ve crossed it. He doesn’t wanna cross any lines here. Not now. 

“Okay,” Sehun says, “but maybe we should have…” 

“A safe word?” Junmyeon says. 

“I feel like we should have done this beforehand.” 

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. “How about if I call you pumpkin, you know you gotta stop?” 

Sehun’s stomach boils. “Okay.” 

“Can I go back to degrading myself since you’re too chickenshit to do it for me?” Junmyeon smiles, and Sehun rolls his eyes. 

Still, he can’t pretend like it isn’t viciously hot, so Sehun kisses him hungrily, hoping it will make Junmyeon forget that he was the one to bring them out of the mood. 

He indulges in the passionate kiss, and he moves his hips to thrust against the swell of Junmyeon’s ass. Junmyeon makes a soft sound into Sehun’s mouth, and Sehun swallows it, letting it settle pleasantly in his bloodstream before he reaches back blindly for a condom. 

Just for a second, Sehun thinks about what it would feel like without the condom, and as he slips it down onto his cock, he dreams about it. _Maybe,_ he thinks, next time they talk, he’ll ask about it.

He slips into Junmyeon’s body, and it is just as tight and hot and wet as it always is, but with the addition of the ropes, the vague thrill of a quasi-roleplay, Sehun feels everything a bit more strongly, a bit more enthusiastically. 

Junmyeon, for his part, seems to really enjoy the ropes and the position. He leans his head back against Sehun’s shoulder with a groan, and Sehun watches as his throat moves. Sehun bottoms out inside him, burning up as he holds Junmyeon by the ropes. He watches as Junmyeon’s eyes roll back before he closes them entirely, and _God_ , maybe they should do this more often if Junmyeon likes it this much. 

“F-Fuck me,” Junmyeon says, each little sound mangled in his mouth as the arousal takes over, drenching them both. “P-Please, I… I want it so bad, please.” 

Sehun wets his lips before he fucks inside hard, harder than he’s ever fucked Junmyeon before, and it tears a beautiful sound out of Junmyeon’s chest. Sehun chases that feeling, that power, and he thrusts in again, just as hard as before. The slap of their skin is loud, louder still when Sehun finds his rhythm, and Junmyeon thrashes as best he can all hogtied up. 

“F-Fuck me,” he says, almost mindless as his mouth hangs open, and that only drives Sehun forward, harder, faster. “ _Sehun._ ” 

Sehun moans as Junmyeon squeezes tightly around him, and it’s like he’s sucking the life out of him, all the resolve and the stamina. Something about Junmyeon, it’s electric and fiery, the way he goes all fucking limp like he just wants Sehun to use him, _abuse him_ , fuck him like he’s fucking a sex toy… Sehun can’t find enough air. 

His pace goes wild and erratic, needy and wanton as he takes more and more of Junmyeon, everything he has to give. Sehun would feel guilty if he wasn’t so wracked with heat, so easily propelled by the sound of Junmyeon’s voice, hollow and eager. 

“I love you,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun goes fucking _rigid_ all over, hips thrusting on their own as he whines into Junmyeon’s ear. “Holy shit, I fucking _love_ you.” 

Sehun has no time to pull out, just hugging Junmyeon close as he comes inside. He imagines spilling into Junmyeon’s body with no condom in the way, just warm and wet as he fills him up, and _God_ , that image only makes him come harder, wave after wave threatening to drown him. 

When he’s able to catch his breathing, he reaches around Junmyeon’s body to jerk him off fast and hard and mean, and Junmyeon comes easily as Sehun idly rocks into his body. He holds him close until their breathing returns to normal, until the sweat is dried, and after stripping himself of the used condom, Sehun gets to work on untying him. 

He hopes with all his heart that Junmyeon won’t mention it, won’t even bring it up, because even on Junmyeon’s best day, Sehun knows that he didn’t mean it the way Sehun wants him to mean it. He’s in it for the dick, and that’s fine, he tells himself. That’s what he signed up for. 

Sehun easily unravels Junmyeon, noticing the way the ropes left red marks around his thighs, his wrists and his forearms. It’s kind of beautiful, and so Sehun traces them softly until Junmyeon moans, stirring him from his thoughts. 

He wraps the red ropes into their bundles, setting them on the bedside table for standing up and getting a washcloth from the bathroom. He goes back to the bed, and he gingerly spreads Junmyeon’s legs. It elicits a moan, maybe because he was held in one position for such a long time. Sehun takes that into account as he wipes him clean, working as slowly and gently as he knows how. When he’s finished, he’s exhausted, but still, he makes himself get up to get rid of the washcloth. 

By the time he returns, Junmyeon has turned over in the bed, and he’s stretching himself out, rolling his wrists around in a circle before settling happily into the sheets. Sehun goes to him, stares at him, and feels a pulling sensation in his stomach. He wants to lean forward and kiss Junmyeon, but he’s too nervous, too shy. He just watches him. Just lies there and watches. 

“Holy shit, you fucked me so good, it’s all strawberry ice cream upstairs,” he says, smiling charmingly at Sehun as he brushes his hair back from his face. “Sorry. I dunno what I was saying.” 

Sehun likes seeing Junmyeon’s hair fall into his face. Likes it a little too much, maybe.

“Yeah,” Sehun says, and he tries his absolute best to keep a smile on his face when inside, it feels like he’s crumbling apart. “It’s okay.” 

“I do love you, though,” Junmyeon says, and he moves closer, nuzzling into Sehun’s chest like a cat. “You’re, like, my best friend. You know that, right?” 

Sehun’s always thought the friend zone was reserved for people who _hadn’t_ gotten to fuck the person they were in love with, but he guesses he was mistaken. He holds Junmyeon for as long as he can, all through the night, and thinks _eventually, something will change. Eventually, he’ll reach the breaking point._

_Eventually, he won’t be able to hide it anymore._   
  


**·**

  
  
Sehun tries not to give so much attention to the crushing feeling in his chest, but when he lives with Junmyeon, when they work five feet away from each other most days, when they do everything together and they only go out to get food… it gets a little claustrophobic. He’s forced to come to terms with the fact that this is not something that’s just gonna go away, no matter how many times they fuck. 

In fact, it only grows worse as the days go by. 

Sehun is sitting on the edge of his bed, lotioning his legs after a shower, when Junmyeon barges in. 

“Hey,” he says happily. “It’s been a couple days since we screwed around.” 

“Can’t we talk about my day before launching into these things?” Sehun wonders. 

“You wanna sit and chat about your long afternoon of work emails and trawling YouTube for four hours straight?” Junmyeon asks. “Find a penpal. I’m trying to suck your dick.” 

“You have an oral fixation.” 

“And a proclivity for big boys,” Junmyeon says hungrily. “Now just sit there and let me at it.” 

Sehun sighs, but he unwraps his towel from around his waist, and Junmyeon gasps like he’s never seen it before. 

Sehun hates how much he likes that. 

Junmyeon goes down on him while he’s still soft, but he gets hard pretty fucking fast, considering just how good Junmyeon is at giving head. Sehun likes to think _he’s_ gotten pretty good too, all things considered. Junmyeon certainly hasn’t complained or even offered anymore pointers, so Sehun thinks that must mean something good. 

Sehun threads his fingers through Junmyeon’s hair, getting long. It’s been a while since his last haircut, he thinks happily, pulling gently on the tresses as he closes his eyes, letting his head fall back. 

Junmyeon is good. 

He indulges in Junmyeon’s ministrations for as long as Junmyeon will let him, and when Junmyeon pulls off, he opens his eyes, looks down. 

Junmyeon’s mouth is red and wet, and Sehun thinks he’ll never get tired of that look on him. He can’t believe he gets to have this. 

“I have a question,” Junmyeon says. 

“Okay.” 

“Have you ever thought about spanking?” Junmyeon asks. 

Sehun’s stomach twists. 

“ _Getting_ spanked or _spanking_?” 

“Spanking,” Junmyeon says, eyes sparkling. 

“Have you been a bad boy?” Sehun asks flatly, and Junmyeon coughs out a laugh. 

“I hate you,” Junmyeon says. “But seriously.” 

“I-I would try it if you wanted it,” Sehun says. 

“And if I said it was one of my favorite things,” Junmyeon says, giving Sehun a wet kiss on the head of his cock, “what would you say?” 

“Then I would say… maybe we’ll do one of my favorite things next,” Sehun says, and his chest blooms with heat when Junmyeon’s eyes widen. 

“ _Your_ favorite things?” 

“Well,” Sehun says, “something I want to try.” 

“Tell me,” Junmyeon says. “Tell me, tell me, tell me.” 

“No,” Sehun says. “This is about impact play. This is about you.” 

“Tell me your favorite thing,” Junmyeon says. “I want to know the thing you wanna try!” 

“Maybe I just want… you know, to experiment,” Sehun says softly, and Junmyeon gets to his feet, standing up over him. Sehun tilts his head back to look into Junmyeon’s eyes. “Maybe I wanna try something a little different.” 

“Different how?” Junmyeon asks softly. 

“Different like a… like a roleplay,” Sehun says, and the shame, the embarrassment, it slaps him hotly over the back of his neck. 

Junmyeon smiles down at him. “You wanna roleplay, huh?” 

“I thought it might be a good opportunity to… to stop feeling so embarrassed,” Sehun says, and Junmyeon leans down, his mouth so fucking close to Sehun’s that Sehun closes his eyes. “Be a little more honest since you’re always talking about that.” 

“I like that idea. Honesty in acting,” Junmyeon says, and he kisses Sehun passionately, all the words stolen from them. 

Junmyeon moves to straddle Sehun, nearly fully clothed to Sehun’s complete nakedness, and Sehun grinds against him as he lets their bodies collapse to the bed. He rolls onto Junmyeon hungrily, and already, he can slip himself into some kind of fantasy. He wants to give Junmyeon what he wants. That’s what he’s here for. 

Once he feels Junmyeon hard between his legs, he pulls them into position, Sehun against the headboard and Junmyeon over his lap. Gingerly, he starts pulling Junmyeon’s pants down before Junmyeon looks back over his shoulder. It is such a fucking… a fucking _lewd_ picture. His hair is crazy, his mouth is wet, and his pants are half down. He looks like he’s ready to be fucked. 

“A-Are we...,” Junmyeon says, “over-the-knee?” 

Sehun bites his lip. Is that too much? 

“S-Should we do something else?” 

“No,” Junmyeon says, and a smile spreads across his face. “I kinda thought you might just spank me while you were fucking me, but this… as a precursor? I love that.” 

Images flood Sehun’s head, Junmyeon rocking back onto his cock as Sehun brings his hand down—head thrown back as he moaned… 

He pushes down on Junmyeon’s shoulder until he looks away, and he runs the flat of his palm over Junmyeon’s underwear. It’s a soft white cotton, tight to his skin, and Sehun listens to him moan as he simply strokes a hand over the clothed skin. 

He raises a hand up, and he brings it down. The sound is not as sharp as it would be without the underwear in the way, but there’s something arousing about the dampened noise. He does it again, and Junmyeon does not respond. He wonders if Junmyeon has a higher pain tolerance than he let on. 

He switches sides, spanks Junmyeon more firmly on the other side of his ass, and he notices that Junmyeon’s body moves, nearly completely rigid now. Sehun’s cock twitches with interest as he hits him again, again, again. 

Eventually, there is a sharp noise drawn from Junmyeon. Like the pain has hit him suddenly, all of it combined and compiled. 

“Does that hurt?” Sehun asks. 

“Yes,” Junmyeon says, and it sounds like a whine. “Please.”

“Please what?” Sehun asks, and he can’t see Junmyeon’s face, so it drives him further. “Please more or please stop?” 

“P-Please more,” Junmyeon whimpers. 

“Why? Because you’re a slut?” 

The effect is immediate. Junmyeon moans brokenly as his body shifts, thighs pressed together as he tries to move over Sehun’s lap. He looks like a little bunny, trying to wriggle away, and that only makes Sehun want to possess him even more. 

He spanks Junmyeon hard, one big slap, and Junmyeon throws his head back with a loud moan before letting it hang limply, whimpering with aftershocks of the strike. Sehun is coursing with power now, the arousal and adrenaline dripping through his veins. 

“You want more, slut?” Sehun asks, and Junmyeon makes a soft, pathetic noise. “Answer.” 

“Yes, please,” he says, and when he looks to the side, his face is streaked with tears. 

Fear lances through him, but he knows that not all tears are bad tears. He pets Junmyeon softly on the curve of his hip, and he hushes him. 

“Pumpkin?” he says, feeling incredibly stupid. 

“No, baby,” Junmyeon says with a laugh. “You are good at this when you let yourself live.” 

Sehun feels a swelling of pride in his chest. 

“Then shut up,” Sehun commands, and he presses on the small of Junmyeon’s back until he flops back down. “Good. You gonna be good?” 

“Yes.” 

“You’re just gonna lie there and take it?” 

“Yes,” Junmyeon says softly. “Please.” 

“Just wait,” Sehun says, and he grabs Junmyeon’s underwear by the band, pulling it down sharply to reveal the cherry red of Junmyeon’s ass. “God.” 

Junmyeon wiggles back and forth like he can’t take the inspection, so once Sehun has his underwear pulled down to the curves of his thighs, he begins again. 

He ghosts his palm over the soft red skin, and he is amazed by the way it radiates heat. His mouth falls open, and he is shocked by the sudden desire that jumps up from within him, the desire to lean down and press his mouth to the skin, bite it between his teeth. 

He refrains, but he files it away. Maybe some other time. Maybe it will surprise Junmyeon. Hell, it already surprised himself. Maybe he’s got an oral fixation to match Junmyeon’s. 

He takes his hand away, brings it up and back down swiftly. The crack of his hand against Junmyeon’s skin is loud, and Sehun watches as Junmyeon draws his muscles tight. It’s cute, it’s fucking _adorable_ , actually, so he does it again just to watch in awe. 

“Sehun,” Junmyeon whispers. “Sehun, please, I—”

“More? You want to bruise?” 

Junmyeon doesn’t answer, just whimpers and cries, and as the seconds tick by, as they turn to minutes, Sehun doesn’t find himself as worried by the sounds. Instead, he finds himself turned on by them. He brings his hand down again, spanks Junmyeon quickly three times in the same spot, and he coughs out a wet cry. 

Sehun bites his lip, and he watches the red go dark and mottled. It’s then that he decides he’ll have to act before it's too late. 

“Get up,” Sehun says, and he pulls Junmyeon back by the shoulder until he’s kneeling on the bed. “Take off your clothes.” 

Sehun watches with interest as Junmyeon pulls himself from his shirt first, his pants and underwear second. His erection bobs, and Sehun gently pushes him down onto the bed before kissing across it wetly. He swallows down a little, makes Junmyeon choke on his words, and then he pulls off, stroking it quickly. 

“Grab the lube,” Sehun says, and he gestures to the bedside table. 

Junmyeon reaches over blindly, eyes on Sehun as he swallows Junmyeon down again, and every moment feels strung just a little bit tighter, a little bit more tense. He watches as Junmyeon smacks the lube down onto the bed, fisting the sheets as Sehun blows him. 

“Hey,” Sehun says. “Condom.” 

“You can do it raw,” Junmyeon says, and then the haze in his eyes seems to clear. “Wait. Fuck. I should get tested first.” 

“Then get a condom,” Sehun repeats, the thought now stuck in his head like a thorn. 

Sehun grabs the lube as Junmyeon grabs for the condom box, and as he slicks his fingers, Junmyeon puts one of the foil packets next to them. They’re running low. They’ll have to make a trip soon. 

He slips a finger into Junmyeon easy as anything, and now, he feels pretty fuckin’ confident in his ability to tear Junmyeon apart with just his hands. He has no problem stretching him, one finger and then two. He aims for the prostate to wind him up before stepping off the gas and letting him unwind, all that before slipping a third finger inside. 

“Come on,” Junmyeon whimpers, heels digging into the mattress as he draws his legs back. “Please. Fuck me.” 

“Yeah,” Sehun says, and he stretches his fingers out, eyes fixed on the way Junmyeon’s body yields. “Yeah, you’re ready now, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Then turn over,” Sehun says, and the heat drapes across him. “Let me fuck you from behind.” 

Junmyeon sucks in a breath before he moves his legs around Sehun, flipping onto his stomach. He makes no effort to raise himself up onto his hands and knees, so Sehun aids him in that effort, taking him by the hips and folding him backwards until his ass is pressed against Sehun’s erection. 

Junmyeon moans as Sehun grinds himself against Junmyeon’s ass, and he lowers his head with a whine as Sehun reaches for the condom. He rolls it on, slicks himself with lube, and presses the head against Junmyeon’s hole. He is transfixed by Junmyeon’s ass, red and hot and welcoming him in. 

“Do you want it?” 

“Put it in,” Junmyeon says, and he looks back over his shoulder, looking peeled open and vulnerable. “Please?” 

Sehun pushes inside of him, and God, he is swimming in the heat of Junmyeon’s body. Junmyeon moans, and Sehun’s hands on his waist tighten. He resists the urge to dig his nails in the way he wants, almost like he’s clinging to this moment, desperate to hold onto it. 

He thrusts, a little too excited by the feeling of Junmyeon helpless and writhing on his cock, and when he brings his hand down to smack Junmyeon across the ass, he understands. He really gets it. 

Junmyeon is like a fucking vice as he whines, his whole body shuddering as he squeezes Sehun’s cock. Sehun groans as he shuts his eyes, pulling Junmyeon back onto his dick as he strikes him again and again. 

“Sehun,” Junmyeon moans, moving like it’s instinctual, like he’s meant to take it. “Sehun, _God_.” 

“You feel so fucking good,” Sehun says, and in any other situation, he thinks he might feel a little bit ashamed, but the truth comes out in moments like this. “God, I could fuck you all day.” 

Junmyeon whimpers as he buries his face in the pillow, and Sehun takes what he wants. 

What he wants is everything. 

It is chaos, frantic, excitable and raw, and Sehun can’t hold back, not when Junmyeon is tightening up around him, not when it feels so fucking hot he can barely breathe through it. 

He comes, and he grabs Junmyeon’s cock, pulling at it roughly until he feels Junmyeon come over his hand. He tugs him hard, pulls a little grunt out of Junmyeon’s chest, and when he pulls out, Junmyeon collapses beneath him. 

“I think you’ll be good at roleplay,” Junmyeon says weakly. “Go get a washcloth. Clean me up.” 

“You should shower,” Sehun says. 

“I don’t wanna go alone.” Sehun sighs and stands. “What?” 

“Come on.” 

“You’re coming with?” Junmyeon asks. “You just showered.” 

“Whatever,” Sehun says, and he stretches out his hand. “Come on.” 

Junmyeon smiles, letting Sehun bear the brunt of his weight as they go to the shower together. He braces his head on Sehun’s shoulder as the water beats down on them, as Sehun gently washes him and strokes over his skin. It is softer than it has the right to be, and Sehun realizes this is another kind of roleplay. The relationship kind.  
  


**·**

  
  
Sehun’s days are all so repetitive, but his nights with Junmyeon… is it weird to think that he’s the one getting Sehun through it? He doesn’t know that the mornings and afternoons would pass so easily if it weren’t for the promise of Junmyeon’s company in the evening. 

And it isn’t just for the sex, of course. Sehun likes that, feels more comfortable in his own skin than he ever has before, but… but Junmyeon is so nice. So funny and cool. He falls deeper in love every single day. With every passing minute, it seems like. 

Is that how love works? He guesses he’s never been in love before because this feels like the kind of thing that never stops, could never end. It feels like rolling down an endless hill. It feels like forever. 

Well, maybe not _forever._ Maybe just until he dies of shame. 

“I regret this,” Sehun says, banging his head on the bathroom door. 

“Oh, shut up. Come out and let me see.” 

Sehun stares at himself in the mirror. It is an absurd costume. He hates the military. But Junmyeon had stressed that it would be a fun option for them to experiment with, something out of the ordinary. 

Sehun brushes down the sides of his starched pants, and he opens the door. 

Junmyeon is standing there in a costume of his own, a lower-ranking official judging by the decorations across his chest. He kind of looks the part except for his hair. Sehun likes it when his hair is long. 

“You look sexy,” Junmyeon grades. 

“Oh my God,” Sehun says, and he wants to cover his face with his hat. “I feel stupid.” 

“Half the point of roleplay is feeling stupid,” Junmyeon says. “And then the second half is getting so horny about it that you forget to feel stupid. That’s when the fun starts.” 

“Let’s get to that second part before I lose my nerve.” 

“So what’s the scene?” Junmyeon teases, and he runs a finger down Sehun’s chest. “Tell me your wildest fantasy.” 

“It’s not very wild,” Sehun says. 

“Hit me with it.” 

“J-Just… an abuse of power,” Sehun says. 

“Pretty common,” Junmyeon says. “And you know I’m down for it.” 

“If you want us to stop—”

“I know what to call you, pumpkin,” Junmyeon says with a wry grin. “You need a minute to get into character, DeNiro?” 

“Shut up,” Sehun says. “G-Get on your knees.” 

“Sir,” Junmyeon says, and his eyes go wide, frightened. 

Just like that, Sehun falls into it headfirst. 

“On your knees,” he says, and he puts his hand on Junmyeon’s shoulder, pushing him to the floor. He looks down the bridge of his nose at Junmyeon and he tries to imagine them in a different world. A world where he is someone else, where Junmyeon is someone else. 

Where they could never be together, but never be apart. 

“W-What do you want from me?” Junmyeon asks. 

“ _Sir_ ,” Sehun responds. 

“What do you want from me, _sir_?” 

“I see you watching me, you know,” Sehun says, and he stares at Junmyeon’s mouth. “I know you want me.” 

“S-Sir…” 

“Are you gonna tell me it’s a lie?” Sehun asks, and he takes his hat off, tossing it onto the bed beside them before smoothing his hair back. “Are you gonna act like you don’t want me to fuck you?” 

Junmyeon whimpers before lowering his eyes subserviently. 

“Well then, this is your opportunity,” Sehun continues. “Take it out.” 

Junmyeon hesitates, and God, he is good at this, good at acting. Sehun stares at him as he waffles over whether or not to obey before he reaches down, unzips his pants, and pulls his soft dick out. 

“Get it hard,” Sehun says. “And hurry up.” 

“Sir, I—”

“No more talking unless I say so,” Sehun says curtly before grabbing Junmyeon by the face. “What do you think, huh?” 

Junmyeon lets out a soft sound, torn between sorrow and eager arousal, and that really does it for Sehun. 

“You gonna play nice?” Sehun asks, and he lets go of Junmyeon’s jaw, slipping his palm down Junmyeon’s cheek. “Or do we have to do it the hard way?” 

He slaps him a little harder than is strictly necessary, and Junmyeon’s mouth falls open in shock. 

“I’ll be good,” Junmyeon says. “I swear. I’ll be good, sir.” 

“Good,” Sehun says. “Open your mouth.” 

Junmyeon obeys without another word, and Sehun stares at his open mouth, pink tongue shining, before he thrusts his thumb inside. Junmyeon closes his mouth around it, sucking at it. His tongue swirls around it, and Sehun smiles down at him. 

“You do this a lot?” Sehun asks lowly. “Use your mouth?” 

Pink clouds across Junmyeon’s face, and he closes his eyes without answering. 

Sehun plays with him for another couple moments before pulling his thumb out with a wet _pop_. Junmyeon opens his mouth as if he knows exactly what comes next, and Sehun pets down the side of his face. 

“Take it,” Sehun says, and he gestures to his hardening cock. “Suck it.” 

Junmyeon all but leaps forward as if this had been the breaking point for him, like who he is pretending to be was just waiting for the opportunity to break free. Everyone’s like that, he thinks. Just waiting for the breakpoint when they take what they want instead of asking for it. 

Junmyeon swallows him down, and Sehun fills up his mouth as the pleasure runs through him like a river, current taking him away. He throws his head back before batting Junmyeon’s hat off his head, taking a fistful of his hair, and thrusting into the wet warmth of his mouth. 

It’s delicious, the feeling of Junmyeon gasping for air around him, and it’s so easy to lose himself. He looks down, sees Junmyeon bouncing a little on his knees as a tent in his pants forms. Sehun smiles to himself. He is overwhelmed by affection. By… by _love_. 

He fucks Junmyeon’s mouth for another minute or two, watching the spit drip down his chin, down his uniform. The sounds are fucking lewd, and it makes Sehun clench, gritting his teeth as he holds himself back. He pulls himself out of Junmyeon’s mouth sharply, watching with delight as he struggles for breath.

“Get on the fucking bed,” Sehun says, and he pulls Junmyeon to his feet before pushing him onto his front. 

Sehun gets to work on roughly pulling Junmyeon’s pants down, not even bothering to strip him of the rest of his uniform. Junmyeon looks back over his shoulder with a shy smile. 

“This is fun, huh?” Junmyeon whispers happily. 

Sehun feels the crack in the facade like a slap to the face, but he’s grateful for it. 

He nods, leaning forward to kiss Junmyeon sweetly before pulling back and pushing his face down into the pillow, a hand at the back of his neck.  
  


**·**

  
  
Sehun is busy drafting an email around four-thirty, the end of his shift, when Junmyeon comes through the door, stripping himself of his mask. 

“Hey,” Sehun says. “You okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Junmyeon says, and he drops his CVS bag at the door before going to the sink, furiously washing his hands at the kitchen sink. “Almost done?” 

“Wrapping up now,” Sehun says, pressing send before looking back to Junmyeon. “What did you need?” 

“Well, condoms for one,” Junmyeon says, and he wiggles his hips as he washes. 

“Oh my God.” 

“You’re the one using them all,” Junmyeon says. 

“W-Well, yeah,” Sehun says, “only because—”

“Speaking of condoms,” Junmyeon says. “I actually went and got a blood test.” 

“F-For STDs?” 

“Yep,” Junmyeon says. “Figured if we’re trying to save the environment and stuff… you know, safe sex or whatever. You know I haven’t been sleeping with anyone else, and I know you’ve _never_ slept with anyone else, so…” 

“So,” Sehun says, face hot. 

Junmyeon shuts off the sink, and he dries his hands. 

“So I’ll get the results in a couple days,” Junmyeon says. “I know I’m clean, but it’s nice to have the confirmation of medical professionals.” 

“Right,” Sehun says. “Okay. So… the condoms?” 

Junmyeon leans his head back and laughs. “What, you’re gonna go abstinent until I get the negatives?” He narrows his eyes with a smile. “Please, I know you. Now that you’ve had a taste, you want it all the time now.” 

Sehun swallows thickly, and he watches as Junmyeon goes to the door to retrieve his purchase. Not just a box of condoms, but more lube, and a pint of Phish Food. It’s Sehun’s favorite, and Junmyeon merely tolerates it. 

“T-Thanks,” Sehun says. 

“For what?” Junmyeon says, a bratty smile. “That’s mine.” 

Sehun bites his lip as he watches Junmyeon head to Sehun’s room. He hears the shower turn on. All Junmyeon’s stuff has seemingly migrated to Sehun’s bedroom. His skincare. His toothbrush. His bathing products. 

Sehun groans as he lets his head fall to the desk, thumping it against the wood.  
  


**·**

  
  
A few days later, Junmyeon gets a phone call as they’re doing their nightly rewatch of _The Good Place_ , and he breaks into a smile. Sehun chews the inside of his cheek as he waits for Junmyeon to hang up the phone. Once he does, he chucks the phone to the side, pouncing on Sehun. 

“Whoa,” Sehun says. “Good news, I guess?” 

“I am extremely clean,” Junmyeon says. “Dick detox has been good for me.” 

“What are you talking about?” Sehun says. “As if you’ve been more than a day without—”

He gets shy halfway through. 

“Without what?” Junmyeon teases. “Without this?” 

He reaches down to Sehun’s sweats, grabs at Sehun’s dick. Sehun bites his lip. 

“Well?” Junmyeon asks. “What do you think?” 

“A-About what?” 

“About tonight,” Junmyeon says. “About doing it without a condom.”

“O-Okay,” Sehun answers. “I-I mean, as long as that’s something you want.” 

“Right back to the start?” 

“Shut up,” Sehun says. 

“No, I think I understand now,” Junmyeon says. “You only ask for permission like that if it’s something you _really_ wanna do.” He gets so close their lips are practically touching. “You wanna come inside me?” 

Sehun is set on fire, the kindling of Junmyeon’s kiss all that he needs to rage to an inferno. He takes Junmyeon by the face, kissing him so hard it hurts. He is flooded with arousal, and he tries to keep his head above the tide as it overcomes him, dragging him under by the ankles. 

He takes Junmyeon into his lap, hands on Junmyeon’s thighs, and he stands up easily. Junmyeon gasps into the kiss, legs wrapping around Sehun’s waist as Sehun begins to move them back towards the bedroom. 

He presses Junmyeon’s back against the closed door, and Junmyeon reaches down to twist the knob until the door opens. Sehun walks slowly towards the bed, kissing Junmyeon as passionately as ever. He places Junmyeon onto the bed before standing up, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it across the room. 

Sehun drapes his body over Junmyeon’s, and they kiss like tomorrow won’t come. 

He knows it’s a bad idea, but still, he can’t stop himself. Some things, you know you shouldn’t do them or say them, but you just do and say them anyway. 

“I-I had an idea,” Sehun says. 

“If it’s gonna make you kiss me like that even more, then lay it on me,” Junmyeon whispers. 

“I thought we could roleplay again.” 

“What kind of roleplay?” Junmyeon asks. 

“M-Maybe like, pretending we were together,” Sehun says. “L-Like married or something.” He is met with exactly enough silence to make him question himself. “I dunno. It’s stupid.” 

Junmyeon leans back into the bed, putting as much distance between them as he can before fixing Sehun with a confused stare. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I don’t know,” Sehun says, and he stands up, looking down at Junmyeon. “If that’s dumb, then—”

“I mean, it’s not dumb,” Junmyeon says. “But… well, I dunno. I guess we could try it?” 

“If you don’t want to, it’s okay.” 

“No, it’s fine,” Junmyeon says. “I-I’ve just never done something like that before? Like it’s never crossed my mind.” 

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna.” 

“I said it’s okay,” Junmyeon says, and he takes Sehun by the elastic band, letting it snap against Sehun’s skin. “Now come here.” 

Sehun frowns as he lays his body down onto Junmyeon’s, covering him. It’s relatively easy to forget about the look on Junmyeon’s face once he is working himself against the hard length of his body, once they kiss each other, once the room is drowning in the sounds of love. 

They don’t do much talking, not in those early moments, just tearing skin free, clothes falling to the floor. Sehun rolls Junmyeon on top of him, a hand at the back of his neck, and he moans, the feeling of their flesh pressed together. He can practically feel Junmyeon’s heartbeat, his chest heaving as Sehun skims a hand down his back, holding him by the hip. 

He puts Junmyeon on his back once again, pulling his pants down his legs before throwing them to the side. When he peels him out of his underwear, he kisses the skin as he goes. He peppers them across Junmyeon’s waist, along his hip bones and down his thighs, kissing down his legs and calves. He places one on the bridge of his foot before pulling the underwear off completely, and he lets them fall to the floor. 

“Sehun,” Junmyeon says, and Sehun looks up, sees the warmth bloom along his chest. “Come here.” 

Sehun pretends, pretends like this is something he could have forever, like Junmyeon feels the same about him. Like this is the way they show they care. Like this has always been about love. 

He kisses Junmyeon with passion laced in every touch, every embrace. He kisses him and doesn’t think about the consequences. Doesn’t think about anything else but this. 

He wets his fingers, and they slip into Junmyeon like they belong there. Junmyeon’s back arches, and he looks up at Sehun, brows knitting helplessly as Sehun crooks his fingers up and in. Junmyeon’s mouth falls open on a soft moan, and it makes Sehun’s stomach ache with the need to give him more. To take more. 

Junmyeon’s sounds grow increasingly frustrated, the base notes of his music minor, discordant as he works his hips against Sehun’s hand. Sehun knows the way his body moves now, knows him intimately, memorized every little tell he’s got. Junmyeon reads like an open book if you know how to slip your fingers between the pages when they get stuck together. 

“Sehun,” Junmyeon says, and the sound of his voice, the sound of Sehun’s name in Junmyeon’s frayed voice, it would be enough to bring him down to nothing, erode until there was nothing left on his shores. 

Sehun looks for the condom before remembering. No condom this time. They’re together. They’re only sleeping with each other. There is no one else. There is no harm. There is only love. 

“Ready?” Sehun asks, and he is right against him, wet and hot. He would beg if he needed to, but this kind of thing comes freely. They both want it so badly. 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says, and he smiles up at Sehun. 

He looks like home. 

He laces his fingers together on the back of Sehun’s neck, pulling them together. Sehun sinks inside, and Junmyeon shatters like stained glass, refracting light, bent and breaking, shards of color falling everywhere around them. 

“Fuck,” Junmyeon whispers, and he looks so torn up that tears leap to his eyes. 

“Are you okay?” Sehun asks. “Does it hurt?” 

“No,” Junmyeon says. “No, it doesn’t hurt.” 

Sehun leans down, thin lines of flesh and bone, and he kisses Junmyeon hard, eyes squeezed shut so tightly he sees galaxies and supernovas, great bursts of the same yellow-white light. He moves his hips slowly, makes love to Junmyeon the way he’s always wanted to. Slow, sure of himself. Serving him. 

_Can you feel it_ , Sehun wonders, looking Junmyeon in the eye as he fucks him slowly. _Can you feel just how much I love you?_

Junmyeon huffs out a cry, and he looks to the side, covering his face with his hand. 

“No,” Sehun says, and he reaches up, all his weight on one hand as he pulls Junmyeon’s hand away to the side. “I wanna see your face.” 

Junmyeon bites at his lips like he can’t help it, like he needs something to do with himself. Sehun gives him something to do, taking his hand, and putting it between their bodies. Junmyeon tugs at his cock, and his body tightens around Sehun. 

“Fuck me,” he whispers, “fuck me hard, baby.” 

_Baby,_ Sehun thinks. _I guess I’m helpless to that._

He draws himself back, thrusts back inside, and Junmyeon’s body rocks on the bed. He watches the movement, not with the normal sort of withdrawn fascination, but with heat boiling in the beds of his fingernails, streaking comets across his skin. He loves him. He loves him so fucking much. What would he do without him? 

He holds back a cry as he fucks himself into Junmyeon, as the sounds of affection build to their natural crescendo, as they lose themselves in time and space, as they find themselves in senses, in color and sound. 

“Please,” Junmyeon whispers, and he tugs on the ends of Sehun’s hair. “Please, I want it so bad.” 

“You want me to come inside you?” Sehun whispers, like they’re sharing a secret.

“Please. Come. Come inside me.” 

“Junmyeon—”

“ _Please_ ,” he whispers, and he squeezes his eyes shut. “Please, Sehun.” 

Sehun thrusts into him, biting his lip as he ignores the urge to kiss him, to close his eyes, to do anything that wouldn’t allow him to focus totally on the moment. His stomach is filled with liquid fire, and when he feels Junmyeon tighten rhythmically around him, squeezing him like he’s never done before. His face twists up in pleasure, in rapture, in ecstasy, and Sehun moans as he watches Junmyeon come underneath him, come all over himself, painting his stomach as he writhes, as his toes curl. 

He is helpless after that, Junmyeon’s body going pliant, leaking exhaustion from every pore. 

“Sehun,” Junmyeon whispers, eyes fluttering and wet. “Come for me.” 

He spills inside Junmyeon’s body without another word, with a desperate cry. He buries his face at Junmyeon’s neck, unable to help himself as he bores in, as he drives his hips up and in, as he fills him with as much as he can. It is an eager, desperate moment, reminding him of the very first time they had sex, the very first time Junmyeon touched him at all. 

They stay in silence for a while, but when he starts thinking, when he starts dreaming about spending each day like this… God, he knows he’s gotta stop. 

He stands, and Junmyeon stares up at him, confused. 

“Shower,” he advises. 

“Yeah, okay. Carry me,” Junmyeon says. 

“I’m weak.” 

“You carried me to the bed, carry me to the shower,” Junmyeon says. “Caveman.” 

Sehun rolls his eyes, but he scoots Junmyeon over to the edge of the bed, picking him up in a bridal lift before walking him towards the bathroom. He lays his head on Sehun’s shoulder, a sleepy smile across his face, and _God_ , it’s gonna fucking kill him when they have to stop this. 

He sets Junmyeon in the far end of the shower as the water warms, and only once it is suitably hot does he gently guide him into the spray. Junmyeon moans, and Sehun wraps him in his arms as the water falls over them, as they absolutely murder the utilities bill. 

Sehun works shampoo into Junmyeon’s hair, rubbing the pads of his fingers against the scalp like it’s a massage. Junmyeon moans, the sound soft but loud against the tiles. He guides Junmyeon to put his head under the water, and he uses one of his hands to cradle the back of his neck, the other to shield his face from water. 

“You’re good at this,” Junmyeon says. 

“At what?” 

“Pretending.” 

Sehun feels a bit too pulled open, a bit too visible, so he turns Junmyeon in his arms, holds him from behind as he lets the water fall over them. 

“Maybe we’ll have to do that again sometime,” Junmyeon says softly. “That was… Jesus, that was intense.” 

Sehun rests his head against Junmyeon’s shoulder. 

He wishes he could do it again, but as the seconds tick by, it feels like the few thin fibers keeping them bound are snapping. Snap. Snap. Snap. 

“Come on,” Junmyeon says, and he reaches back to swat Sehun’s arm. “Clean me up.” 

Sehun does as he’s told.  
  


**·**

  
  
Things are strange the next morning, and Sehun can’t put his finger on why exactly. It’s only when Junmyeon idly mentions that he needs a haircut that Sehun realizes _he_ was the source of the quiet. He was the reason things felt weird.

“I could, uh, I could try to cut it for you,” Sehun offers. 

Junmyeon sips at his coffee. “Yeah?” 

“I can do it,” Sehun says. “I used to cut my own hair.” 

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Junmyeon snorts, but he kicks his foot forward, and it collides with Sehun’s ankle. “I’m joking.” 

“Just show me what you want,” Sehun says. “I’ll take care of it.” 

Junmyeon bounces his shoulders. “Okay.” 

So that’s how Sehun ends up putting away his dilemma, the furious feeling of _Something’s gotta give_ in his gut. He spends his free time looking up hair cutting techniques, and he figures out exactly what he’s gonna do for Junmyeon. Something easy. Something nice. He gets his razor, his scissors, and they meet in the kitchen. 

Junmyeon wears a towel wrapped around his shoulders like a cape. It’s Sehun’s towel, and even that… Sehun is fucking sick. Sick in love. 

“Don’t fuck it up,” Junmyeon warns. 

“I won’t, I won’t.” 

“I’m serious.” 

“I am too.” 

Junmyeon relaxes, and Sehun begins to cut the sides. Not too short, but not too long either. He tapers it out at the bottom, working slowly and in near silence. He gets close enough to see the gentle movement of Junmyeon’s body, the soft curves of his shoulders rise and fall like ocean waves. 

“I feel like I should be talking,” Junmyeon says quietly. 

“I’m trying to concentrate.” 

“And it’s too hard to talk?” 

Sehun stands up straight, brushes some of the hair to the floor. 

“A little,” Sehun says. 

“You’re okay, though, right?” 

“Me?” 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says. “I dunno. You’ve been a little off.” 

Sehun swallows. “I’m okay.” 

“And you’d say if you weren’t?” 

Sehun goes quiet as he works on the back of Junmyeon’s head, tapering the ends and working on the neckline. He doesn’t answer, just focuses, shifting back, left, and right to check his work. Once he’s satisfied with the sides and the back, he grabs the scissors, judging how much and where. 

“Just a little,” Junmyeon says. “So it doesn’t fall in my eyes.” 

Sehun wants to tell him that he particularly likes it when Junmyeon’s hair falls into his eyes, but instead, he rounds, looks Junmyeon in the eyes as he pulls the hair flat out in his fingers. 

The backs of his fingers rest along the bridge of Junmyeon’s nose as he works, and he barely breathes as he shears it away. It falls to Junmyeon’s shirt, so Sehun brushes it away. He watches it fall to the kitchen floor. 

Sehun looks back up, and Junmyeon is staring at him intently. 

“What?” Sehun asks. 

“Nothing.” 

“No, you’re, like, looking at me,” Sehun says. 

“Just keep going,” Junmyeon says. 

Sehun feels the contradictions like hairs raised on his skin, shivering and sensitive. Things are coming together, but they’re falling apart right before his eyes. 

He snips away carefully, just taking a little of the length away before he brushes it out, and he hands Junmyeon his phone. 

“Wow, this… this is not the worst haircut I’ve ever had in my life,” Junmyeon praises. “I’m shocked.”

“Thank you for the vote of confidence.” 

He turns with a gracious smile as the towel falls to the floor. Suddenly, he is in Sehun’s arms. He is kissing Sehun. And God… he can’t stop it anymore. Snap, snap, snap. Sehun gently pulls him back by the shoulders. 

“I… I had something to say to you.” 

“Like what?” Junymeon asks.

“I dunno. It’s stupid.” 

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. “Just say it.” 

Sehun takes a deep breath, and he puts his hands on the small of Junmyeon’s back. 

“I think maybe… I dunno, maybe we should think about… about altering our relationship slightly,” Sehun says. 

“You wanna stop fucking?” 

“No, no,” Sehun laughs, and he presses a kiss to Junmyeon’s lips. “Exactly the opposite.” 

The air seems to be drawn from the room, and a chill runs up Sehun’s spine as Junmyeon looks up at him. 

“What, you, like, wanna date?” Junmyeon asks. 

“Well, now it doesn’t feel as normal,” Sehun says. 

“Normal? How would you know what normal is?” 

“I’ve had boyfriends before,” Sehun squints. 

“Boyfriends you didn’t bone,” Junmyeon accuses, and he steps back from their embrace. 

Maybe this was a mistake, but he’s already too far gone. He can’t stop now. He’s rolling down the hill. 

“Have _you_ had a boyfriend before?” Junmyeon looks down at his sleeve, squinting as he picks a piece of hair from his sweater. “Oh my God, I was only joking. You haven’t?” 

“Not in so many words, no,” Junmyeon says, and he looks up, perturbed. “What’s wrong with testing the waters before you get attached?”

“Is that what you were doing?” 

Junmyeon shrugs. “Kind of.” 

“But we already love each other,” Sehun says. “You know? We care about each other. We live together. A-And we know we work on a sexual level.” 

“Yeah?” 

“So, isn’t this just the next step?” Sehun asks. “Haven’t we tested the waters long enough?” 

“I don’t know,” Junmyeon says. “This feels weird.” 

“How?” 

“My stomach hurts,” Junmyeon says. “I don’t know. I don’t like it.” 

“Your stomach hurts?” Sehun asks. 

“Whenever I look at you for too long, my stomach hurts,” Junmyeon says. “A-And when you say my name or you look at me like you wanna fuck me or, like, kiss me or whatever… I dunno. My stomach just hurts.” 

“Have you ever thought that it’s maybe because you have a crush on me?” Sehun asks. 

Junmyeon scoffs. “What am I, six years old?” 

“I dunno. Do you like me?” 

“Of course I like you,” Junmyeon says. “I wouldn’t live with you if I didn’t like you.” 

“You’re not this dense,” Sehun promises. 

“I’m not _dense_ at all,” Junmyeon says. “I’m just not the type of person to get tied down. This global pandemic’s got me all fucked up.” 

“What, just because you’re cooped up in the house with me, fucking me every night, you start catching feelings?” Sehun asks. “And that’s it? That’s all it is?” 

“You really want me to say that I love you,” Junmyeon says. “I fucking _knew_ that roleplay was a bad idea. I fucking _knew_ it.” 

“Is it so bad? To, like, want someone?” 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says. “We’re in our twenties. We’re not supposed to settle down yet! This is the time to have wanton and reckless group sex!” 

“W-Who says?” 

“I say,” Junmyeon says. 

“Why?” 

“Because I want it,” Junmyeon says. 

“Do you?” Sehun asks. 

“I wouldn’t say I wanted it if I didn’t,” Junmyeon says, and he folds his arms across his chest. “You think you know me better than you do.” 

“I know you better than you think I do,” Sehun says. “I dunno what made you think you’re this, like, detached, feckless blackhole of sexual desire…” 

“That’s the way I _am_ ,” Junmyeon says. “I _am_ that way. And there’s nothing wrong with not wanting a romantic relationship with anyone.” 

“You honestly _don’t_ want to date me?” 

“I mean, why fuck up what we’ve got going?” Junmyeon asks, and he takes Sehun’s hands in his, pulls their bodies close together so that he can wrap his arms around Sehun’s neck. “Why fuck up something good? Something that’s _working_?” 

“Because it’s not working for me anymore. Because I want something more,” Sehun frowns. 

“Then we’ll try pet play like we agreed upon,” Junmyeon smiles, and he tries to press a kiss to Sehun’s lips, something that Sehun deftly avoids. “Are you seriously gonna be a bitch about this?” 

“You’re making fun of me,” Sehun says. 

“Well, it’s silly,” Junmyeon says. 

“I’m not, like, childish for wanting to have a boyfriend.” 

“I never said you were.” 

“You’re acting like it.” 

“Please,” Junmyeon says. “You’re just looking for a fight because my ideas don’t align with your own.” He steps back from the embrace, arms firmly folded against his chest once more. “I told you from the beginning what I was looking for. I was upfront with you. I was honest with you every step of the way.” He raises his eyebrows at Sehun, cocks his hips to the side. “Can you say the same to me?” 

Sehun feels incredibly ashamed of himself in that moment, more embarrassed than he’s ever felt before. He laid it all out on the line, and he was rejected. Maybe this is his punishment for not speaking up sooner. Maybe this is what he gets for being too complacent, too riddled with anxiety, too eager to fall back into old comforts. 

He still doesn’t think he’s wrong. And he doesn’t regret it for a fucking second. 

“I’m sorry,” Sehun says, and he folds his own arms, staring blankly at Junmyeon. “I don’t think I can do this with you anymore.” 

“Fine by me,” Junmyeon says. “And you should have done this a month ago or whenever you started feeling like you wanted to cuff me.” 

It stabs him in the chest just like it’s meant to. 

“I’ve already cuffed you before, didn’t I?” Sehun says drily. 

“You give a virgin a set of handcuffs, and then he’ll ask for a long term relationship,” Junmyeon quips. 

“You think you’re funny, huh.” 

“I have my moments,” Junmyeon says. 

“So that’s it?” Sehun asks. 

“That’s it,” Junmyeon says. 

“No more?” 

“No more,” Junmyeon says. 

“Guess you don’t know a boundary until you cross it,” Sehun says. 

“Well, this has always been about exploration, right?” Junmyeon says, and he turns his back to Sehun, begins walking towards his bedroom. “We have to get more laundry detergent tomorrow. Wanna go out?” 

“I guess,” Sehun says. 

Junmyeon walks into his room, the door shutting with a sound of finality, and Sehun goes back to his own room. It feels incredibly empty without Junmyeon there, and for the first time in forever, Sehun jerks off on his own. He can’t remember the last time he masturbated, the last time he felt the _need_ to. His life has been full of Junmyeon, full of their love, and God, it’s pitiful to admit it, but when he touches himself, he thinks about Junmyeon’s mouth on his, Junmyeon’s body on his, the way he whispers against Sehun’s skin. 

Sehun spills out over his stomach, body wracked with a pleasure that feels empty and hollow and upsetting. He was alone the last time he had an orgasm like this. 

Now he’s alone again. Against his will. 

Then again, is there any other way to be lonely?  
  


**·**

  
  
Sehun wakes the following morning, and Junmyeon is sitting on the edge of his bed. Sehun blinks himself awake, leaning up on one elbow. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi,” Junmyeon says. “I’ve been thinking.” 

“About grocery shopping?” Sehun asks. 

“No,” Junmyeon says. “About us.” 

“Oh,” Sehun says, and he sits up straight, legs crossed in bed as he combs his hair with a hand, stomach sinking. “What were you thinking?” 

“I think it was really uncool of you to put me on the spot like that,” Junmyeon says. 

“Oh my God,” Sehun says, and he rolls his eyes dramatically. “You’re unbelievable.” 

“J-Just listen to me,” Junmyeon says. 

“No. If you’re gonna put this on me, then no.” 

“I’m here to apologize for… the way I said what I said,” Junmyeon finishes lamely. 

“Not _what_ you said, but _how_ you said it?” 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says, “because truthfully, I _do_ think you should have clued me in earlier to how you were feeling. If things were getting weird for you, I-I mean, you said you were gonna tell me. That was the very first thing we talked about.” 

Sehun looks down to his hands. Junmyeon is right, of course. 

“I’m sorry,” Sehun says. “I just… I was scared of what you might say.” 

“Well, now you don’t have to worry about that, right?” Junmyeon says, and when Sehun looks at him, he’s smiling brightly. “Worst case scenario, check. And you lived!” 

Sehun tries to hide a smile. It’s so hard when Junmyeon is looking at him like that. 

“So… so I’m sorry,” Sehun says. “You got your apology.” 

He looks off, huffing. 

“You know me,” Junmyeon says. “I… I’m a little stubborn.” 

“A little,” Sehun deadpans. 

“Well, _you’re_ a little stubborn too,” Junmyeon says, narrowing his eyes before he slaps a hand over his face. “Sorry. I… I’m an idiot.” 

“At least we can agree on that.” 

Junmyeon’s hand drips down his face, and he fixes Sehun with a withering stare. 

“My point is that… had you told me, I think maybe it would have given me some time to think it over, you know, in the context of our sexual relationship, I would have come to the conclusion on my own.” 

“You needed time to think?” Sehun asks. 

“To process,” Junmyeon says. “To come to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be so bad, dating you.” 

Sehun’s heart leaps into his mouth. That old familiar feeling. Hope. 

“It took you less than twelve hours,” Sehun says, narrowing his eyes. 

“I do well under immediate pressure, but that doesn’t mean I _like_ pressure.” 

Sehun looks him over, the way his back slumps vulnerably, the way he plays with his hands in his lap, the way he stares at his fingernails instead of looking in Sehun’s eyes. 

_Could this be real?_

“Do you want to try?” Sehun asks. 

“Only if you promise to be cool about it,” Junmyeon says. “Since, you know, technically speaking this is the first time I’ve ever, like, been with someone.” 

Sehun smiles so brightly it burns him up inside. 

“Kinda like… the student has become the master, right?” Sehun offers, and then, Junmyeon leaps onto him. “Ow.” 

“Shut up,” Junmyeon says. “I said be cool.” 

“You know I have trouble with that.” 

“Well then, I guess our lessons aren’t over just yet,” Junmyeon whispers.  
  


**·**

  
  
Dating in the age of COVID-19 is not exactly rocket science when you live with the person you’re quarantining with. Junmyeon acts like he has no idea how they’re going to manage, but Sehun’s had plenty of opportunities to perfect the boyfriend game. 

And that’s what they are now. Boyfriends. 

It might be stupid, but it sends a little thrill through Sehun as he puts the final touches on the living room. 

“I’m bored in here,” Junmyeon yells through Sehun’s closed bedroom door. “Or is this the date? Are we doing, like, a blind date thing?” 

“Shut up and be patient,” Sehun says. “And that’s not what they mean when they say blind.” 

“I’m just saying, if this night doesn’t involve getting blown at the end, I might give it a four out of ten.” 

Sehun adjusts the fairy lights before standing back, grading it a ten out of ten no matter what Junmyeon might say. He goes to the door, and he pulls it open. Junmyeon is sitting there on the bed, but his eyes go light when he sees freedom. 

“Can I look now?” 

“You can look,” Sehun says, and Junmyeon races past him. “Don’t get your hopes up. It’s kinda lame, I just…” 

Junmyeon is staring at the living room, and suddenly, Sehun feels completely fucking ridiculous. 

The couch is draped with his softest blanket. The table is covered with various boxes of candy, cans of soda, and in the very center, there is a large bowl of popcorn, glistening with butter. The lights are dim, and strung across the television stand are a set of soft white fairy lights to give the room sort of... an aesthetic vibe he thinks Junmyeon will appreciate. 

Still, seeing Junmyeon see it for the first time… does it look lame to him? Does it look stupid? 

“Sorry if I oversold it,” Sehun says softly. “I just got excited.” 

Junmyeon turns, and his eyes are watery. 

“W-What?” Sehun asks. “What’s wrong?” 

“ _Nothing_ ,” Junmyeon says, sniffing loudly. “What’s wrong with _you_?” 

“Do you like it?” Sehun asks with a smile. 

“It’s nice,” Junmyeon says. “It’s sweet.” 

“You like it,” Sehun smiles. “Good. I-I was really nervous for a second there.” 

“So, what, we just sit and watch movies like we always do?” 

“Yeah, but this time it’s special.”

“How so?” 

“We’re together,” Sehun says, and he pulls Junmyeon into his arms with a kiss. “So if the movie gets boring and we’re sick of snacks, then we—”

“Blow each other on the couch,” Junmyeon grins. 

“ _Kiss_ ,” Sehun says. “We _make out_.” 

“But we’ll blow each other after that, right?” 

Sehun rolls his eyes, and he hugs Junmyeon. “Sure. Whatever you want, pumpkin.” 

Junmyeon groans loudly. Sehun thinks he’s really gonna enjoy this brave new world.  
  


**·**

  
  
Junmyeon is competitive in the quiet sort of way, and even still, before they got together, he would always let Sehun win. Secretly, Sehun really likes that. It always made him feel like he had something special. 

Now he knows for sure. 

“What’s the protocol now?” Junmyeon asks, nuzzling into Sehun’s side on the couch. “Am I supposed to take it easy on you still? Or am I supposed to just let you have it?” 

“Let me have it, babe,” Sehun says, and saying that still gets his heart racing. “A-Are you sure that’s okay?” 

“I’d tell you if I didn’t like it,” Junmyeon says. He turns to Sehun, gives him a look. “It’s kinda nice. Makes me feel all tingly.” 

“Yeah? Tingly?” 

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. “Whatever.” He looks back to the television screen. “I’m gonna whoop your ass.” 

“I dunno,” Sehun says, and he tightens his hand on his Joy-Con. “I’m pretty good at Mario Party, and you… I dunno, babe.” 

“You haven’t seen anything yet,” Junmyeon says. “Start the game.” 

Sure enough, exactly thirty minutes later, Junmyeon is smiling in that smug way of his, like _I told you, didn’t I?_ He smacks Sehun’s ass in just about every mini-game, and it just seems like Junmyeon has all the fucking luck in the world. 

“That’s the sign of a sore loser,” Junmyeon says haughtily. “Complaining about the luck.” 

“You have definitely been hustling me,” Sehun says. 

“Yeah? Hustling you?” 

“Over the past two years,” Sehun says, nodding his head. “Un-fucking-believable.” 

“This has always been a long con,” Junmyeon smiles. He turns back to the television. “Come on. Another one.” 

“I feel like we’re going to irrevocably fuck up this relationship before we even really get started,” Sehun says. 

“How about best of five?” Junmyeon asks. “And whoever wins gets to top?” 

“How about whoever wins gets to _bottom_?” 

“I like that better,” Junmyeon says, and he leans over to kiss Sehun, filthy and sweet. “Let’s go, bitch.”  
  


**·**

  
  
He doesn’t want to throw Junmyeon into the deep end too quickly, so he tries not to do too many trademarked _Date Nights_ , saving them for special occasions. Still, there are little things he likes to do for Junmyeon to lure him further into the long-term relationship atmosphere. 

It’s probably strange, after all. Zero to one hundred. He wants to bring things down to sixty sometimes. 

The night before, they drank until they were dizzy, giving each other lazy handjobs in Sehun’s bed before falling asleep. Sehun’s never slept better, never sleeps better than when Junmyeon is next to him, and when he sees Junmyeon still resting soundly, he does his absolute best to lift himself from the bed without waking Junmyeon. 

Shutting the door behind him, he goes to the kitchen and starts on breakfast. He makes blueberry pancakes, fried eggs, bacon, and coffee. He loads up the tray, brings it into the bedroom within the half hour. He gently sets it on his side before nudging Junmyeon awake. 

“Hey, babe,” Junmyeon says with a sleepy, unguarded smile. 

Sehun has never been happier. 

“Hey,” he whispers. “I made breakfast.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” he says. “Pancakes.” 

“Ooh. Pancakes.” 

“You hungry?” 

“I could eat,” Junmyeon says, and he peeks over. “ _Coffee._ ”

“Sit up,” Sehun says. 

“I really like this shit,” Junmyeon says, sitting against Sehun’s headboard. “Boyfriend breakfast in bed.” 

“It’s fun, right?” 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says, taking his cup of coffee between his hands. “Lots of fun.”

Sehun smiles. “Hey.” 

“Hey,” Junmyeon says. 

“Love you.” 

Junmyeon rolls his eyes, but he answers dutifully. “Yeah. Love you too.”  
  


**·**

  
  
They have a new standing date night on Fridays, and it involves cooking something from Andrew Rea’s cookbook. Some things are kind of out of their league and out of their skillset, so instead of actually eating what they make, they end up ordering pizza or chicken or something. Still, it’s fun to have a tradition. Sehun’s always liked traditions. 

“Honestly,” Junmyeon says, turning to look at Sehun over his shoulder as he stirs at the pan sauce, “I have come to really enjoy this whole dating thing.” 

“It’s been exactly one month today,” Sehun says. “Did you know that?” 

“I’m not supposed to, like, buy you something for that, right?” 

“Not unless you want to,” Sehun says. 

“Am I _supposed to_ want to?” 

Sehun laughs as he presses a kiss to the side of Junmyeon’s neck, happily watching him stir. He’s gotten really good at cooking, actually. Better than Sehun, for sure. 

“What I meant to say, though,” Junmyeon says, “is that it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.” 

“Another glowing recommendation from the love of my life.” 

“You know what I mean,” Junmyeon says. 

“No desire to see anyone else?” Sehun asks. 

“Nope.” 

“No need to sit on another dick?” 

“Honestly, no,” Junmyeon says, “and that’s, like, _wild_ to me. I really thought… I dunno. I guess I just thought there would come a day when I woke up and panicked.” 

“There’s still plenty of time for panic,” Sehun says, and he reaches around Junmyeon’s body, turning off the fire before dragging Junmyeon over to the corner of the counter, pressing him into the space. “Right?” 

“I’m not gonna panic,” Junmyeon whispers. “I like you.” 

“I like you.” 

“I love you,” Junmyeon says. “N-Not like a friend. Not like roommates. Like… Like true love, Sehun. Real love.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says. “Real love.” 

Sehun kisses him, licks into his mouth, and he tastes… tastes wine and affection and some implacable sweetness. Maybe the promise of tomorrow. 

“You know what we haven’t done in a while, though?” Sehun asks. 

“Who’s the insatiable one now?” Junmyeon asks, and he pulls Sehun by the collar towards the bedroom. 

“W-What about dinner?” 

“We’ll heat it up later,” Junmyeon says, and he drags Sehun to his body as they embrace against the door. “Come on. Spontaneity.” 

Sehun reaches down, fumbling with the knob until the door yields. He pushes them back onto his bed, a hand at Junmyeon’s neck. It’s easy. It’s free. 

It is the most familiar thing in the world to him now. Something once so fresh and new, so exciting and _electric_... there is something beautiful in comfort. In familiarity. Junmyeon might not have known that before. 

Sehun will try to spend the rest of his life making sure he knows it now.  
  


**·**

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the prompter! I hope you enjoyed, and I hope it was what you were looking for! 
> 
> Thanks also to the mods for running this fest!


End file.
